From the Muck to the Mighty; My Journey with Jesus

  During prayer this week the Lord took me back to tend the soil. We were in a large back yard with an area that was tilled up. There were several plants He was weeding from the garden. The different weeds He pulled would come out of the dirt with the large tap roots attached.  From the surface things looked finished and clear. Then the Lord took a sifter and began sifting the soil. What ended up in that sifter were many smaller feeder roots that broke off as the tap root was pulled.  What the Lord put on my heart is that many of us, myself included tend to tackle the immediate problem but we fail to make sure we remove everything that is feeding the weeds under the surface.  What we feed ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and atmospherically is what hinders us or helps us grow. What we surround ourselves with and allow in our lives can either feed the soil as nutrients producing a fruitful harvest, or drain the soil of those nutrients as it regrows the root...

Testimony time!!! Let’s talk about sowing and reaping.  I remember coming back from a mission trip to Mexico back in 2021, I was single at the time, and remember shopping in the little shops before we headed home. I clearly heard the Lord telling me that I needed a ring on my finger from Him but I didn’t find one there.  I didn’t have a lot of money at the time and I told the Lord, Jesus I want what you want but I’m not spending a ton. I can’t. I remember Him months later leading me to overstock one random day, and I found the perfect London blue topaz ring. It was rose gold with a halo and diamonds down the side. The kicker was it was the exact price I told the Lord I could pay.   I got that ring and fell in love with it. It was perfect for me. It reminded me of the Lords “oceans deep” love and I wore it religiously. I didn’t have it long, not long at all when I went to a friend’s ministry event.  At that event I clearly heard the Lord telling me to give that ring a...

   One of my favorite aspects of this walk with the Lord are the spontaneous ways that we are led to just what we need, exactly when we need it. This weekend we were led to a church where the beautiful Emma Stark was holding a conference. In that room during worship the Holy Spirit fell so thick I could barely stand. In that room were people that joyfully received me with hugs and people I honestly thought I'd never run into again. And in that room, when the Lord showed up, it didn't matter one bit who was there. That room filled with so much love, so much joy and so much of His purifying presence that everything else ceased to exist. In that moment, I felt the Lord healing a part of my heart that I didn't realize was still cracked open and bleeding. I heard Jesus softly whisper in my ear, "It doesn't matter, Ash." and with that sentence the fear of man was uprooted and pulled out of my heart by the hand of Jesus himself. I think this is the part of healing th...

  The Lord is calling you. He's calling you deeper. He's calling you higher. He's calling you to become more of His and less of what this world calls "Christian" and gets away with. He's calling you, to gather all the broken pieces of the past and He is leading you, to help you put them back together again.  This morning during worship the Lord led me to an open field. There was a half broken down stage like the aftermath of a weekend music festival. I was walking the disheveled grounds kicking through trash and broken down campsites. So much mess left behind without a care or thought in the world. Our pasts can feel the same. So much junk, so much carnage, so much chaos left behind.  I grabbed a large trash bag and began cleaning. As I continued to gather things up, the ground was transforming. The season was shifting. The air felt lighter, the leaves in the surrounding trees began to change and a fresh autumn breeze began to blow through the field. As the la...

  Seems like you stuck your finger in a hornets nest, Eh Ash? One I had no idea was even there Lord. Reminds you of something Ash? A little. Mostly reminds me about how things started a long while ago and it hurts my heart Lord. It hurts my heart for the body. It hurts my heart for a lot of people caught in a lot of things that they don't realize they are caught in. Like the hand punching the foot Ash. Everyone is in their process. I remember coming into a group of friends early on in ministry. Everyone had their niche, everyone complimented one another. It was good, until it wasn't. I remember being in meetings, or worship events and this one close friend would "confide" in me and others about other people in attendance. She made it seem like she had extra intel, or that she had this spiritual superiority. She would say that the holy spirit told her this or that or that. She would point out the way a person prayed, walked, danced, or flagged and say that it was witch...

  They care Ash. I know Lord. Funny thing is what caring really looks like, eh? Fair enough Lord, fair enough. My flesh wants to rise up, to say a whole lot about a whole lot, but Jesus is my redeemer. He will fight my battles. But I also have a blog so I’m gonna keep giving this keyboard a tapity tap tap. 😂 I’ve heard the words I love you a lot over the years. The Christian community says it frequently. They call it the love of the Lord. I’ve had a lot of people voicing concerns over the last week and a half. A lot of people have a lot to say in the guise of love, concern and prayer requests. While my flesh wants to remind people to take a look at the phone calls, messages and in person conversations you have had with me over the last few years and to place your opinions and advice in an according place…. Jesus reminds me to step back and let His blood and time paint the picture.  The Christian folks love those whitewashed tombs.  No one was concerned when I was crying ...

  As I settle in to the things that are set before me, I want to pull back. I want to hide. I want to run. I want to shut it all down and hit delete and drift into a quiet family life, and I am again reminded that my life is not my own but it’s designed to glorify the Lord.  There are days I fail, there are days I succeed, but I gave Jesus my yes years ago and I have to stand on it. Regardless of how it looks in this realm, regardless of what people think, there is a greater battle behind the scenes that I am sent to fight. Like someone quietly disarming a bomb in the subway during a city event that could go off destroying a massive crowd. Many will have no idea that the one significant person cutting the right wire at the right time is the reason they get to walk home unscathed.  Intercessors this is how we fight our battles.  I had to count the cost regardless of how it looks. I had to be willing to lose everything and everyone because if I don’t, more people will ...

  You know, it's hard when you're growing and walking things out in this life. We look at the world and we point out what's wrong, or what needs changed but we don't realize that the change within us is the most important change needed of all.  The Lord took me to a hallway today. The rooms were all white. In the first room I saw myself about 5 years old. I had crayons and paint and I was dancing to music, painting and coloring these beautiful pictures on the walls. I was praising the Lord and singing as loud as I could. In the second room I was a teenager. I was sitting at a desk. I had colored pencils lined up distinctly in a row, sorted by color. I was coloring on a piece of white paper making a neat picture of a hillside. On top of the hill sat a small white church with a view of the sunset. I had head phones on, jamming out the inside while my composure was quiet and still. In the third room I was in my 20's. I was seated at a dining table. I had a canvas and p...

Hey Ash…. You wanna talk about it?  I’d rather not Lord to be honest. But they’re watching Ash. The people Ash. MY people Ash. The people that I died for. The people that know my name but don’t experience my presence. The people that experience my presence but don’t truly know my heart.  The people that watch the world but don’t obey my Word. The people that obey my Word but refuse my Spirit. The people that are like you, and the people that are not like you. The people that look up to you and the people that look down on you. The people that make mistakes, the people that repent, and the people that don’t. The people that love you, the people that hate you, and everyone else in between. The people that grow and the people that refuse to. The rich man and the beggar. The Jew and the Gentile. The ones holding the stones. Get up for them. I need you to.   Lord I can’t. Jesus, I don’t want to go back out there.  Your life is not your own. You promised.  (And that’s...

  As we were boarding the plane today, I took a seat at the window and waited for take off. During the take off instructions the flight attendants were explaining the safety rules and emergency procedures.  I heard a man a few seats back say to his wife not to worry because he had an extra flotation device in his carry on, incase anything happens.  In that instant, in the Spirit, I felt the plane drop. I heard the screams and felt the panic rising up and taking over the cabin. I saw the people and the fear in their faces. There was nothing they could do.  I stood still, in peace, as the chaos swarmed around me. Do these people know the Lord? That question thundering in my mind with a power and force stronger than the thundering of Niagara Falls.  Do these people KNOW Jesus?  If they say they do, why are they panicking?  I saw that man standing up, geared up in the natural with everything known to man that could possibly save him and his family in this ...

  We say the gospel is worth dying for, but is it worth chewing your leg off for while you’re still alive? Today during worship, the Lord showed me hundreds of thousands of mice and rats stuck in glue traps, worshipping the Lord.  Their heads and mouths were open singing but their feet were stuck to the traps holding them hostage, keeping them caught in one place, and ultimately leading to their deaths.  I saw a line of rogue mice and rats standing to the side. Some missing a leg, some missing an eye, some an ear or even some teeth. They were walking freely, burdened by the sights or their brothers and sisters. They looked rough, they knew what it was like to be in that place and they know what it takes to get out of that trap. They knew true freedom.  Then I saw them get to action. Going individually to these mice and rats helping chew them free. Helping them get through that pain, that agony, and get to freedom. Helping them get to the sidelines and get to a place ...

The air was cold and damp as I struggled to catch my breath. It felt like I had been running for hours. Running through the dense trees, through the wilderness. Running in a panic, exerting every effort to get away and to get to. Away from what, I’m not sure, ask Lots wife; but running to the promised land with everything I’ve got.  Running with this deep knowing inside of me to go, and this overwhelming fear of dying on the vine where I have always been. Running with this need to be free, to feel the wind in my hair and the grass under my feet. Running with a dream of dancing in the rain. Running with this intense desire to do something, but not knowing exactly what that something is. This burning deep desire rooted in Jesus, drawn by His Spirit, that will not be quenched. Lord where you go I will go. My eyes panned down to my hands, and it startled me to see they were completely covered in blood. I looked up again to realize that I was now standing still, stopped dead in my track...

  Today in my quiet time with the Lord, He took me to a garage. There was a rusted out old classic type car sitting up on blocks. You could tell that the years were good to that car, but that time had taken its toll, and the grace had ran out. The engine that once revved with excitement could barely turn over. Where the paint was once shiny and new, it was now dull, sun damaged and rusted. Where the full tires once had tread ready to gain traction, there were now bald spots, dry rotting and even a flat. Where the leather interior once hosted conversations during long road trips, or short trips to the market, bringing people closer together; the threads of the material are now having a hard time keeping the seams of the seats from tearing and falling apart.  I felt the Lord telling me that many in leadership and in ministry are feeling like this worn out car. What was once a burning passion to help others find their strength in Jesus has now become a battle just to face the dai...

  Months ago I told the Lord I quit. That I was done with ministry, that I was done trying to figure it all out and I sat myself down. One evening in March I was crying on the couch. The kind of snot cry that has you dry heaving and pouring tears over every moment of your past. Every regret, every word, every action, every loss playing over in your mind like a record. I think we have all been there, that moment of wrestling with both the enemy and the Lord. To be honest if He would have shown up I probably would have wanted to fight him. Everything had fallen apart over the last 6 months and there I was, on the tail end of a cancer scare with a transfusion looming over my head like a cloud of death. As I was laying in a pile of snot, the Lord stopped me in my tracks with the simple phrase "2 cokes no ice". My tears abruptly turned to anger and I yelled "I am not working for you anymore!" at the Lord like I was yelling with every single part of me. He replied sternly...