One of my favorite aspects of this walk with the Lord are the spontaneous ways that we are led to just what we need, exactly when we need it. This weekend we were led to a church where the beautiful Emma Stark was holding a conference. In that room during worship the Holy Spirit fell so thick I could barely stand. In that room were people that joyfully received me with hugs and people I honestly thought I'd never run into again. And in that room, when the Lord showed up, it didn't matter one bit who was there. That room filled with so much love, so much joy and so much of His purifying presence that everything else ceased to exist. In that moment, I felt the Lord healing a part of my heart that I didn't realize was still cracked open and bleeding. I heard Jesus softly whisper in my ear, "It doesn't matter, Ash." and with that sentence the fear of man was uprooted and pulled out of my heart by the hand of Jesus himself.
I think this is the part of healing that we often miss. We think that it's our efforts, our prayers, our this, or our that which will unlock this next breakthrough or shape the outcome of this walk. We honestly think that we can somehow press in or orchestrate our own healing, when it's the presence of Jesus, the power of the Holy Spirit and the hand of God himself that heals. Every single time. We are simply surrendered vessels that through obedience have the ability to fellowship with Him in this way.
During that worship the Lord took me to an old dirt road. It was well worn, like the gravel for it was laid once, twenty plus years ago and it's been traveled heavily ever since with no repair. My bare feet kicked up dust as I walked. The surrounding grass was high and wet from the dusk of the evening. As I continued walking, I heard a bell ringing in the distance. My ears perked up and I felt my spirit leap within me. The next thing I know, I was running full speed through the tall, wet grass and down the hill. It was like I was a little kid racing to the finish line. There was such a joy, excitement and anticipation that welled up with every step.
In the distance I saw a lake, glassed over and calm. In front of that lake there was a worn and rustic cabin that had been beautifully restored, the inside lights shining brightly, calling me home. On the front porch, standing there, with one hand on that old dinner bell was Jesus. On the same porch was a picnic table, elegantly decorated for a fall banquet and prepared for only two. In His eyes I saw love. I saw an acceptance and I had a feeling of transparent peace that overcame every part of me. Then it hit me. That bell was just for me. I was wanted here. I was called here. No one else was. It was a place prepared just for me and I belong there, seated calmly with the Lord. I ran as fast as I could, the grass whisking across my ankles and calves. My body healed, my mind at ease, my heart bursting at the seams. As my feet hit those old wooden stairs I ran into the arms of Jesus and He held me. He accepted me, He called me to this place of resting with Him. In his arms I broke down, I fell to His feet and wept. I repented for taking the wide path for so long. I repented for sitting at every table He didn't set for me. I repented for every word, compromise, action, judgement and emotion that had gone against His word or against His will. I repented for every person He told me to pray for and I ignored because I didn't feel worthy, I repented for every excuse. As I was weeping there in that vision and in that worship service, He grabbed my hand, stood me up and led me to that table prepared just for the two of us to share.
He is preparing a place for you. A place that is just for YOU and Jesus. A place where you are always welcome and where His presence will heal your wounds. A place where His Holy Spirit will burn up every aspect of your flesh if YOU let Him. He is calling you to a place of repentance, a place of consecration, to sanctify your flesh as your Spirit is in Christ. He is calling you to look away from everything you thought was good and to look to everything that you know is God. Jesus Christ is calling you to His table. It's up to you to run when you hear the bell.
I left that service with a new sense of belonging in Christ. I left with a reminder of how much fun I had with the Lord when this all started back in 2018. I left with the freedom of "It doesn't matter, Ash." and I left that service with a newly ignited passion of why I started sharing Jesus with people in the first place. Because I am nothing special, I am no one special, but I serve the living God and I am someone to Jesus and so are each and every one of you. I am here to help you understand that and I am not permitted to abandon my post.
The next morning we were led to a small church about an hour away. In that service, there was bluegrass worship and a very small congregation of people that were dedicated to the Lord. During the service, tongues and interpretation fell and the Lord spoke so clearly to my heart regarding everything that had happened over the last year, and especially over the last few months. I was broken, like a dish thrown against the wall broken, so humbled that the Lord would see me, that the Lord would care this much to speak directly to the issues that I was facing in such a way that I couldn't deny it was Him. I received marching orders like never before. As the service ended, everyone stayed there talking for what seemed like an hour after it had wrapped up. We were blessed to talk with an older gentleman named Clyde. I was brought to tears with the Jesus that shined through his eyes as he told us his testimony. I was brought to tears with the love and kindness I was shown. I saw Jesus in that man like I had not seen in anyone in a very long time.
Then, as if this weekend couldn't get anymore personal or more healing. As we were talking with Clyde, I heard a sound behind me that I had not heard since I was a kid at my grandparents house in Lynnwood. I heard the Pastor of that church clicking the spoons. I turned and asked him if he was really playing the spoons and he brought them over to me and handed them to me. It was like I was 10 again sitting at my grandparents kitchen table as my pap taught me how to play them. I ran them through my fingers and although I was a bit rusty, that clickity clack brought back my sense of childlike wonder; and I was reminded that I was in the exact right place at the right time.
There are reasons the Lord leads you to certain places at certain times. There are things that He wants to do to bring healing to your heart, your soul and your body. There are people, places and experiences we are missing when we hide behind our phones, the keyboard, or remain stuck in the same circles of influence because it's where we have been comfortable. Listen for His promptings, listen for His Spirit, obey His word, surrender your fleshly desires, come into His economy, take up your cross and follow Him wherever He takes you. You will never regret time spent in His presence; and you will never regret going where He leads you.
Isaiah 42:16
16 And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.
Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.
4 The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
6 for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Matthew 24:13 - But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
1 John 4
4 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3 and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. 4 Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 5 They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.
God Is Love
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
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