You know, it's hard when you're growing and walking things out in this life. We look at the world and we point out what's wrong, or what needs changed but we don't realize that the change within us is the most important change needed of all.
The Lord took me to a hallway today. The rooms were all white. In the first room I saw myself about 5 years old. I had crayons and paint and I was dancing to music, painting and coloring these beautiful pictures on the walls. I was praising the Lord and singing as loud as I could.
In the second room I was a teenager. I was sitting at a desk. I had colored pencils lined up distinctly in a row, sorted by color. I was coloring on a piece of white paper making a neat picture of a hillside. On top of the hill sat a small white church with a view of the sunset. I had head phones on, jamming out the inside while my composure was quiet and still.
In the third room I was in my 20's. I was seated at a dining table. I had a canvas and paints set up. I was painting a forest with the light coming through the trees. I had music on but it was playing so low I could barely hear it.
In the forth room, I was sitting on the floor, half colored papers scattered all over the place. I had fat crayons, skinny crayons, finger paints, markers, you name it. It was a giant mess of half colored rainbows, lakes, oceans, animals, hills, valleys, sunsets and crosses. I had loud worship playing through the room.
In the last room I sat alone facing a window. No paper. No pencils. No coloring. No paint. Just me. It was quiet except for the worship stemming from my heart.
As the Lord walked me to the end of the hallway I felt a shift. As we turned around I saw Satan standing where we began.
As the enemy passed that first room and simply waived his hand, the door slammed shut. Black paint by the gallon was slung all over those colorful walls. I saw that 5 year old hunkered down in the corner, knees to her chest clutching her legs in fear, tears streaming down her eyes, frozen in the quiet. I heard her screaming the name of Jesus inside her head as loud as she could.
As he passed the second room, the white paper was crinkled up as if clutched by a fist coated in jet black ink. The once neat pencils strewn off the desk and scattered to the floor. I saw her quietly grab a knife and cut her thigh to ease the pain as she swallowed another pill to numb her mind, crying out on the inside for Jesus but realizing that no one else could hear her and going to her tarot cards instead.
As he passed the third room the canvas was knocked off the table. The paint was spilled and dripped down onto the floor. There was an indifference in her as she downed a bottle of wine, took a drag, and prayed asking Jesus if he was really real, what to do.
As he passed the fourth room the half painted pictures were finished in blacks and grays and stacked against the wall. Anything she could color with had disappeared. She held her children tightly and hummed worship as she prayed over them, waiting for morning to come.
As he passed the last room. She stood up. She turned from the window straight to the enemy, looked him dead in the eyes, and said the name of Jesus with everything cultivated within her. The enemy gestured to a shelf that appeared in the room. On that shelf was everything her flesh coveted for comfort. Alcohol, drugs, food, money, knives for cutting, friendships, a marriage, a house, a car, children, a ministry to glorify the Lord, family vacations, all of it. It was all there. I saw the questions, chaos and confusion running through her mind.
Jesus turned to me and gave me that look. The look that you only know if you know. He grabbed my hand and we walked straight into that room. With the hand of the Lord, He took my hand and one by one we threw every one of these things off that shelf and shattered them on the floor or against the wall like a break room of epic proportions.
Right in front of the face of Satan himself.
As the last item from the shelf shattered the enemy left. He had no choice. The atmosphere lifted completely. The Lord and I walked down the hallway, and all those versions of me walked down that hallway with Him.
He's always been there, I can promise you that. No matter how far you've ran, no matter how fractured you are. The Lord can and will put all of your pieces back together, when you really, really let Him.
Jeremiah 17:14
14 Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;
save me, and I shall be saved,
for you are my praise.
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