From the Muck to the Mighty; My Journey with Jesus

We attended a worship service this past Saturday when a simple hymn played. It’s one I haven’t heard since I went to Leah’s grams church probably a decade ago. I had this vision of little Leah as a baby in her carrier, sitting on that faded pink pew. The tiny church set at the bottom of a hill in a small town in WV.  I was flooded with the first time I remember being moved to tears in a church. It was that church. The Lord reminded me that in that tiny moment, in that little church, a very BIG Lord got ahold of my heart. I had no idea why I was crying in church. God did. It was then His Holy Spirit got ahold of me and never let go. He reminded me that He had ahold of me long before I thought He did.  Through this thing called the walk with Jesus, otherwise known as life, I’ve been led down roads of worship, deliverance, healing, missions and ministering in ways I never could have imagined. I’ve been blessed to see the world and how others live, but it always circles back to on...

Share the funny things, Ash. The encounters that make this walk real. The things that make you giggle. Share what makes you, you. Share what makes God great. Share the love, the laughter and the scriptures that tie it all together. Share what God has done for you through the gift and sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  It’s pretty simple but we tend to make it way more complicated. Today the Lord reminded me to keep it simple and keep it fun.   As I was getting up, I took a look at my dog max. Instead of him jumping up and being all excited to see me, he laid down and wanted belly rubs. I didn’t hesitate to lean down and show him affection.  The Lord reminded me, in that moment, that no matter what, He’s always there.  On the days we are so on fire and excited for the Lord, we can jump up in worship and cry out for victory, flooding His throne room with worship and praise; He’s there. On the days he sees us lying on our backs, falling to the defeat of our flesh, crying out, ...

Can you hear it? The subtle rumble in the spirit. The distant thunder that's shaking ground like never before. Foundations full of cracks and compromise, crumbling publicly. Cries of the prophetic saying this or that for 2024. Declarations flying through the air like words in war. Lord what are you showing me, what do you want Me to see? It's a dry, open space and there's smoke from smoldered fires in the air that appears to be mixed with dust kicked up in battle. I see a Large Aztecan temple to the right with a Red carpet going up the stairs. I see many different men and women, dressed in the finest robes, making the climb. Ministers, Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, Teachers, Leaders, and those claiming the name and message of the Lord Jesus; rising higher and higher, not realizing that they're climbing to the trap of notoriety. The battle in the air was WAR, nothing like I have been shown before. War in the HEAVENS, WAR OVER GODS PEOPLE. WAR OVER GODS MESSA...

I’d say the hardest thing about this walk with the Lord is actually being like the Jesus we so eagerly preach about. We see leaders turning on other leaders, exposure videos going viral, sheep calling other sheep wolves, wolves truly revealing themselves; and the heart cry I keep feeling from the Lord is that we are all one gun to our head, “deny Jesus or else” experience away from being a Peter before the rooster crows.  And we all act like it couldn’t happen to us. Maybe the whole point of all of this, is that we can never be enough like Jesus to ever not need Him.  Do you realize how much we need His blood to save us from ourselves?  I’m in a season of seeking, taking things to the Lord in ways I’ve never had to before. Taking my own questions, questions from the world and praying for wisdom on how to move forward.  I’ve been told to keep quiet by man because man calls me a leader, and leaders don’t dare talk about doubting their faith; but when I take it to the L...

  Faith. It seems simple enough. Believe in Jesus. Believe in Him as the son of God made flesh. Believe in His life, words, crucifixion and resurrection. Believe that His promise is truth. Live life like you believe those words, and ta da, heavenly ever after, right? But what if it's not that simple even when it is? What if life throws us curve balls? What if the foundation you think you are standing on begins to crumble beneath your feet? Can you praise Him in the valley the same way you do on the mountaintop?  As, I am taking a much needed break with the Lord, I am reminded that a break with Him doesn't mean a break FROM Him. I think that's what so many of us seek when we are struggling.  We want the Lord to nurture us, to placate us, and to hold us, rocking us so we can find some sort of comfort in our woundedness. We expect Him to patch us up, to sit with us agreeing with us in our mess and then provide some sort of solution out of thin air that makes everything bette...

Be careful what you ask for, especially when asking from the Lord. I prayed a while back, asking the Lord to help me understand my husband’s anger and boy oh boy did He; right in time for Christmas. They say that idle hands are the devil's workshop and they are not wrong. It's actually a translation of Proverbs 16:27-29 that I will post below. There are a lot of things I’m learning as I continue to read the Bible, yet I always seem to fall back on realizing that the more I know, the less I know; and that I know nothing but Jesus Christ Crucified. 1 Corinthians 2:2.  Nothing else makes sense. As I sat with the Lord over the Holiday weekend, I was broken. I had too much time on my hands and the kids were with their dads. We had our Christmas yesterday so I was excited for that, but not having them on Christmas morning is always a little hard for me. This Christmas I was struggling emotionally, and as per the norm, when we are down the enemy uses it. Maybe it's just me but it ...

The Christmas message is always to honor the birth of our savior Jesus Christ. It’s to recognize the sacrifice that He is for us, and it’s to praise and worship him. I’m sure that many people will talk to you about Jesus today, but I’d like to talk to you about the manger that Jesus was laid in and why it was important.   Of course mangers are simple, they are animal feeding troughs.  But in ancient Israel they were made of stone - not what you would see in a modern day nativity scene.  The manger was Not comfortable, it was cold and made of hard rough stone, but it was great for protection. That’s why those who were experts in this matter, the priests, would put their newborn lambs in them for protection.  This is true today. Sometimes the Lord will put us in uncomfortable places or situations in our lives in order to protect us in the end. It’s not comfortable to go through this life all the time, but God has a purpose for everything that happens in our lives. The ...

  Lord I need to talk this out. I have to figure it out. I have to figure out how to pray for Regis. I have to figure out how to relate to how mad he is at you right now. I need to know how you need me to pray for him right now. I can't relate and I am struggling to keep my fruit and my witness. Jesus: You don't wanna know, how to relate to this right now. Me: I need to know. Holy Spirit to Jesus: She's not going to like it. Jesus to God: God to Jesus: Jesus: You wanna open up that wound. You sure. Right now. Me: If it helps me relate to this mess and clean it up, yes. Holy Spirit: You want to relate to his anger with God? Me: Yes Holy Spirit: You SURE? Me: Yes, I can handle it. Jesus: Ok. You CAN relate. Me: What are you talking about, I can't. Jesus: Ok, what made you so mad that you turned your back on me? What had you so big mad that you had tarot cards and wicca books and all the things? What had you so full of anger toward God for years that you made fun of me an...

  Listen leaders..... You can lead the kids out of Egypt but you can't stop them from complaining and keeping themselves in the wilderness for 40 years.  Is it time to strike or speak? Where is your righteous anger? When will enough be enough? When will the bondage of His children stop? The Lord told Moses to strike the rock as a sign to the elders. He was obedient. The water flowed.  When the Lord told Moses and Aaron to take Aarons rod and speak to the rock. Moses and Aaron were frustrated with the people. Instead of fully obeying God, and yielding to his exact instruction in the moment, they struck the rock again, (probably because they were big mad, and because it was familiar. It worked before, right?) and water did indeed come forward for the people...But their disobedience to Gods DETAIL in that instruction led to them not being able to enter the promised land.  Then the Lord said to me plainly and clearly. "Just because something worked, or has worked in the ...

  Oh this Jesus. He always keeps me focused on moving forward. Focused on letting go of what’s behind and awaiting what’s next. That stir I feel in my spirit, that feeling of soon, it’s something that has gripped me since Saturday and has not let me go. We don’t know the day or the hour but we do know the season and the season is now.  Last week I heard the Lord whisper about a free trip up to NY. A trip to see some dear friends and have some Jesus time. I was patient and the Lord worked out the scheduling, the sleeping arrangements and everything that we needed to have done to drive up for the weekend. He even added a few chickens to my soup on the way home! He put serving on my heart and Regis and I had a really good time helping a dear friend of mine in the kitchen during the services at her restaurant on Saturday. The worship was powerful and so many people were touched by the presence of the Lord that weekend. When you give Him the space to move and you hunger for His pre...

  What is your worth Ash? How do you measure up? It’s funny how much of the world is focused on that very question. We worry about what others think of us, how we look, how well we are doing at work or how well our family is doing at home. We focus on numbers. Numbers on the scale, numbers in our bank accounts, numbers on report cards. We chase metrics of status like new cars, nice houses or designer shoes and clothing. We celebrate weddings and baby showers like they’re red carpet events. We treat holidays including Christmas and Easter like idols, by offering the best gifts or attempting to get the most likes from having the best presentations. We worry more about the number of people filling the congregations seats than we do about the number of lives being changed by the Lord. We don’t realize that our entire culture is selfish and self driven to distraction. What happens when you strip it all away? Who are you really? When you realize that both you and the Lord have seen and k...

In normal Ash overshare fashion, I feel the need to write again. I feel the need to cry, to scream to vomit emotions and words all over the place. I'm adjusting in the flesh to change; school changes, work schedule changes and drastic life changes all swirling around in my mind and on my to do. My sleep has been erratic, and rest feels like something I used to have but can't find. It's been a few weeks of this, emotions on high, not feeling well physically and all the things.  Last night I broke. Last night I cried looking at myself in the mirror, and I asked the Lord if I could come home.  As I stood there facing that mirror, all the worldly things were swirling in my head; my emotions, other peoples emotions, random thoughts I've needed to take captive, overwhelming feelings that I am behind on things in school, practice and work from not feeling well, feeling guilty and attacked with shame because I want to do more, or be more for my husband, my kids, my employer and...

  I was tossing and turning all night last night. In my restlessness, I welcomed an opportunity to pray, and to listen. I started to dose off and I was quickened awake with the phrase "the standing will fall the seated will stand".  The Lord was reminding me to look behind the natural. We have to see in the spirit, we have to know the Lord, we have to know what His plans are. We have to know the bible. If we don't we will perish. I don't say that to be cliché or drum up a fleshy response. I say that in a way to warn you. Things are changing.  Naturally, the standing will fall. Those elevated to heights financially through wicked schemes will be brought to light, they will fall. We will begin to see the collapse of large name brands, churches and congregations. They will implode led by the flesh. Those who they have pushed, manipulated and financially bound to the enemy, those who have been forced to be seated and remain silent due to fear of man or fear of financial b...

I never thought that this would be one of my favorite pics from the Philly mission trip, but it's one that I will treasure. Years ago, when I started learning about the Holy Spirit, deliverance, the prophetic and other supernatural aspects of ministry; I thought it was about getting another great word from the Lord or creating another testimony.  I thought it was about getting a word from God so you could share it with others. I thought it was about getting a word from the minister during the altar call so I’d know which direction the Lord wanted me to go.  I thought that ministering was testimony after testimony of how the Lord was healing and setting people free.  What I didn't realize years ago, that I do now, is that ministry is a constant communication with the Lord. It's our friendship and relationship with our Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It's our prayer, it's our surrender, it's our loyalty, it's our obedience and it's our sold out nature f...

  The sky was hazy, dusty and brown. I could taste the dust in my mouth and feel the grit in my nose, as if I’d been out there wandering for days. There was noise all around me. Screams, destruction, the sounds of lives, families and buildings all falling apart.  I looked down at my shoes and it was like I was wearing dusty beaten armor. There was a heavy sword in my right hand, but my arm was weary from carrying it, my shoulder felt sore. I couldn’t lift it. I drug it along side me as I walked.  There wasn’t much to see, there was so much haze from the dust, it was like a field of destruction. Like a bomb went off in a city, and there was nothing left of the world to hold onto.  I came upon another person crouched down and hiding. They were shaking, almost paralyzed. I saw the same sword laying next to them, shiny and brand new. The same armor was a few feet away in a box untouched. I felt the atmosphere change and this ominous feeling of dread, like prey being hunt...