Faith. It seems simple enough. Believe in Jesus. Believe in Him as the son of God made flesh. Believe in His life, words, crucifixion and resurrection. Believe that His promise is truth. Live life like you believe those words, and ta da, heavenly ever after, right? But what if it's not that simple even when it is?
What if life throws us curve balls? What if the foundation you think you are standing on begins to crumble beneath your feet? Can you praise Him in the valley the same way you do on the mountaintop?
As, I am taking a much needed break with the Lord, I am reminded that a break with Him doesn't mean a break FROM Him. I think that's what so many of us seek when we are struggling.
We want the Lord to nurture us, to placate us, and to hold us, rocking us so we can find some sort of comfort in our woundedness. We expect Him to patch us up, to sit with us agreeing with us in our mess and then provide some sort of solution out of thin air that makes everything better again. All because we believe.
That's part of the wilderness.
As a simple woman with a simple desire to keep loving Jesus no matter what, I am reminded that the "no matter what" is what ultimately leads people astray. The trials of life will trial our faith by fire.
The question remains will you fall down 7 and stand up 8?
I went to the Lord again, the same way I always do. Seeking His face. The face of Jesus. Seeking His will above my own. I saw Him at the end of a long hallway. The ceilings were non existent, there was this beautiful glow around Him that engulfed the entire area in the presence of His Holy Spirit. I was barefoot and the floor felt like this beautiful, smooth, crisp, fresh marble but without the chill of the cold on my skin. I began to walk toward Him, for what seemed like an endless amount of time. The closer I got to Him, I saw Him holding out a mirror. It had a beautiful golden frame. He held it up between us, so it was facing me. As I got closer seeking His face the mirror pointed back at me showed me nothing but myself.
At first I was confused, Lord I am seeking you, I can't see you. I was frustrated, I had come all this way. My Lord don't turn me away like this. I was angry, Lord don't put this mirror between us I don't understand. I was sad, I don't need to see me right now, I don't need to see anything but you. I was crying out in desperation, grabbing the frame trying to tear it away from His hands wanting to smash the glass with my fists. Wrestling with every desperate amount of strength my flesh could muster. Lord put the mirror down I need you! Jesus I need YOU!
The Lord stopped me with His words the way He always does. "I need to see ME in YOU, ASH"
Then His Spirit reminded me that it's not about me seeking Him. It's not about my faith being broken or the circumstances I am going through. It is not the attacks on my mind or my body. It's not the friendly fire in the foxhole, its not any of that, that has me shaken right now.
What has me tripped up, what has me feeling like I am standing on sand, is not a lack of faith in Jesus, but a lack of Jesus in me.
As I was crying tears pouring down my face, feeling broken, feeling ugly, feeling worn out and defeated, feeling like my faith was shaken, feeling like I had no business even being there in front of the Lord like that. I heard His still small voice say "Ash, Look again".
As the shame lifted from my head and I looked up, I expected to see myself broken, crying, the same horrible way I had been feeling since October, lost and hopeless and desperately seeking the Lord. But what I saw wasn't that. What I saw was the way His presence all through that hallway had changed my reflection. What I saw when I looked in the mirror wasn't even myself, it was simply the glow of His Holy Spirit, His glow, His presence His everything to the point where I couldn't even make out my silhouette.
I saw nothing but the presence of the Lord.
We look to leaders, we look to each other, we look to those in our own homes, we hold them up and expect Jesus out of them while the Lord is holding up the mirror asking us to see more of Him in Us.
It's ok to be shaken. It's ok to fall down. It's ok to question. But make sure that when you question the Lord, you ask Him where He wants to see more of Himself in you.
We can declare revival all day long, but it will never come in our own homes and hearts, unless we let the presence of the Holy Spirit change us to the point that we can't even see ourselves in the mirror, even when we try.
2 Corinthians 3:18 - But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
1 Corinthians 13:12 - For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
James 1:23-27 Amplified Bible (AMP)
For if anyone only listens to the word without obeying it, he is like a man who looks very carefully at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he immediately forgets what he looked like. But he who looks carefully into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and faithfully abides by it, not having become a [careless] listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he will be blessed and favored by God in what he does [in his life of obedience]. If anyone thinks himself to be religious [scrupulously observant of the rituals of his faith], and does not control his tongue but deludes his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless (futile, barren). Pure and unblemished religion [as it is expressed in outward acts] in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit and look after the fatherless and the widows in their distress, and to keep oneself uncontaminated by the [secular] world.
Romans 8:9-11 9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
Philippians 1:6 - Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
John 4:24 - God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
Proverbs 24:16 16 for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.
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