41. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been pretty discouraged lately. Maybe it’s the holidays and not being able to do as much for the kids as I used to. Maybe it’s that my first baby Dusty, my Pomeranian, might be enjoying his last Christmas with us this year. I mean, he’s going to be 17 next month. I can’t really blame him for getting older and not seeing as good as he used to, walking into things, or barking for me to come find him in the yard when he gets himself lost.
Maybe it’s that my last baby Nash man isn’t even a baby anymore. I feel like I just blinked and he’s a little boy. Maybe it’s that Leah my little girl and partner in everything is slowly wanting less and less time with me and more and more time with her friends or her iPad as she gets older. Something just always feels off this time of year. I find myself longing for peace.
John 16:33 New International Version (NIV)
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
The older I get the more I feel life slipping away and time going faster and faster. The kids are growing up, the dogs are growing old, family dynamics change with both death and new life, and I’m growing weary in my role as a caretaker and mother, feeling like I’m never doing enough for all of them. Feeling like I’m failing at the end of every day. Feeling like I can’t remember growing up myself.
Psalm 73:26 King James Version (KJV)
26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
You’d think that in my relationship with Jesus and the Lord our God that I’d be secure in everything. That I’d be able to be confident in the fact that I’m doing my best and I should know that it’s impossible to make everyone happy. However, as a mom, like many of you, I want to, and need to be running on all cylinders 24/7. When moms get sick they don’t get rest or days off. When moms need help they don’t want to ask for it because they are the ones that everyone asks for help.
Psalm 34:17 New International Version (NIV)
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
It even feels like I’m losing my touch with the evangelism I’ve been doing lately. I’m either missing the moment or feeling like I’m not good enough for this calling. The enemy really enjoys stirring things up for me during the holidays. Just the other day there was a man standing by the road with a sign saying hungry and scared. I stopped and told him that I was heading to Wendy’s and I’d be happy to grab him a bite to eat and bring it back. He politely said thank you and asked for some nuggets and fries. I go to Wendy’s and get the extra food to swing by and drop back off and the dude is gone. I drove around a block or two looking to see if I saw him but nope gone. So now I have this extra food and I’m thinking ok Lord what is the lesson in this? Crickets. Nothing but quiet.
Hebrews 10:35-36 New International Version (NIV)
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
I continue driving and I’m looking for someone walking that I could ask if they were hungry. I had Nash man sleeping in the car seat so it wasn’t like I could just walk around town. So as I’m driving I see this girl walking down the sidewalk and feel drawn to pull into a parking lot and ask her if she’s hungry. I approach her with a Wendy’s bag like a crazy lady and tell her the story about the guy who ordered food and disappeared. I told her they’re fresh and still warm and if she’s hungry she can have them. She was pleasantly surprised and eagerly took the bag which made me smile. We exchange pleasantries and just as I’m getting ready to talk to her about Jesus, she hurries away. Luckily I did put one of my “Jesus loves you” cards in that Wendy’s bag with a hand written note on the back, but it was like she just wanted out of there. I’m hoping that I at least made her smile and helped with dinner for the day, but I can’t help but feel like I missed the mark.
Romans 10:17 King James Version (KJV)
17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
1 Corinthians 2:10 King James Version (KJV)
10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
Here I am not even 5 months out of the ocean being baptized and I’m weeks away from my first mission trip to Honduras. I’m reading my Bible daily, I’m reading books by Derek Prince, I’m learning all I can from the Set Free ministries team but I can’t seem to shake this attack of feeling that I’m in over my head. Feeling that little old Ashley is trying to be a mature disciple of Christ and is falling short on almost every aspect. I have a feeling that a lot of others who are called to Christ and called to share the gospel go through similar trials. I have a feeling that the closer we get to our trip, that more members of the group will also be attacked by the enemy in various ways to derail the work of the Lord. This is where we all need to come together and cover each other in prayer. We are called to do this work and we will do it well in Jesus name.
John 6:44-45 King James Version (KJV)
44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.
45 It is written in the prophets, And they shall be all taught of God. Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me.
44 No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.
45 It is written in the prophets, And they shall be all taught of God. Every man therefore that hath heard, and hath learned of the Father, cometh unto me.
You see the trend here folks, for every problem or discouragement that I’m facing, all I need to do is look for the Bible verse or verses that will help me make it through. There’s an answer in this wonderful book for every problem. Every discouragement, every situation you could possibly be in has a corresponding verse that will turn things around for you. You only need to take the time to look for them and look to the Lord. Instead of running to others or sewing discord with words of negativity and discouragement, look to the Lord. Look in the Word for your encouragement, for your foundation and for your Father’s love and wisdom. It’s all in there if you take the time to look.
2 Peter 1:10-11 King James Version (KJV)
10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:
11 For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:
11 For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Joshua 1:8 King James Version (KJV)
8 This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
8 This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
So what should we do when we fell discouraged Ash? How do you stay positive when it seems like there is only negative surrounding you? How do you smile when your world feels like it’s falling apart? You praise him in the wilderness. That’s what.
Romans 12:12 - Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer
1 Peter 5:10 - But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle [you].
James 1:12 - Blessed [is] the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
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