As I was praying last night I was interrupted with a vision. As I was on the floor with my head down I got the impression that I was no longer alone. I lifted my head and I was faced with the image of a vicious dog on the end of a very heavy chain. Almost Cujo style if you all remember that book/movie. There was so much anger, but when I looked into the eyes, really looked, all I could see was pain.
Then the Lord put on my heart that this vicious dog was once an innocent puppy. I saw the welping box and families with children picking up the puppies, loving on them and taking them home. Then there was one left. He was unwanted and never chosen. I began to see different stages of that dogs life in my mind like a movie. From being called worthless and left outside in the cold, hungry and shivering; to being beat for being excited and jumping up for attention when someone came by to drop off some food or water.
Every hand that puppy saw as it was growing up brought both nourishment and hurt. It got to the point where that little dogs heart was hardened to all hands, not just the hard hand of its abuser. The dog knew nothing but pain and acted out accordingly. The Lord put on my heart that we are so quick to judge and label people based on the person they are now, not realizing the entire story that they have gone through that conditioned them to become who they are.
We think that dog has a choice every day to growl and bite based on what he has always known, or that he can choose to react differently and remain calm. Yet, when that dog still chooses to bite, we don’t see why that dog still chooses to bite or growl. We just get mad that the dog won’t change his behavior. Especially when the hand that feeds him has changed. We condemn the action without looking at the heart issue behind it.
The old owner can pass away, or give the dog up for adoption. The dog can be moved to a shelter that is full of loving people that care for him. The dog might see a different hand or face than the one that has hurt him, but in his mind, all hands will hurt because that’s all he has ever known. So we blame the dog, we condemn the dog, we chain the dog and eventually we euthanize the dog. Not even realizing that the dog has no idea that he is not supposed to have this reaction. He just dies alone, scared and wondering what he ever did wrong. Now, as it’s spirit is released and passes on, is finally free, is happy, can run though the heavens and get petted, can receive love, we look to that passing as a blessing to the dog. As a release from all the pain. We say it was what’s BEST for him.
I feel that many people have experiences like this dog. Our hearts become hardened based on former abuse, causing the ripple effect of lashing out to keep others at a distance. We feel that if we growl loud enough and bite at those coming close, that we will be left alone and in turn, remain safer in our isolation. If we don’t get too close to other people, then they can’t hurt us when they abandon us, leave us alone or ignore us. If we don’t have feelings, we can’t get hurt. Here’s the thing with that though, you end up missing out on so much that life has to offer. You miss out on real love.
I spent so many years having artificial relationships with people at a surface level. Like a dog that looks beautifully groomed but will snarl at you as soon as you put your hand out, I kept people at a distance. I looked the part, but when it came time for people to get close to me, I would bite at them with my sarcastic comments and harsh words in order to keep them from getting too close. To keep myself from caring if they walked out of my life. To keep myself from being hurt again. No one can reject you if you don’t care if they do. No one can hurt you or isolate you if you simply isolate yourself and harden your heart.
The Lord is still very much doing a work on my heart and in my life on a daily basis. Luckily He is patient with me as I learn to react differently to the hands that reach out to me now. Luckily, I won’t be literally euthanized if I feel that emotional reaction of my past self welling up and wanting to push people away. Yet after only a year, I find myself wanting to pull people in and there are days when I can’t believe it myself. Figuratively I have been euthanized, my flesh has been crucified with the death of Jesus on the cross. It was what’s BEST for me. Luckily we have the ability to die to our past self and be raised as that free spirit, to experience love and intimacy with the Lord without actually dying and leaving this earth. We become that free Spirit by accepting the Lord into our hearts. We feel the joy of the death of our flesh, the fresh air in our lungs and an inner peace that can barely be described in words.
It takes really looking to the root of these emotions and healing that hurt in your heart, before you will stop biting and welcome the hand that is reaching toward you. To be honest, it takes that euthanization of our flesh, the revelation of the love of our Father, our Lord, and the relationship we have with Jesus gifted to us by His death on the cross and empowered by the Holy Spirit; to really experience the inner healing and deliverance that so many of us desperately need.
I could read the Bible a hundred times over, but those words never softened my heart. It wasn’t until I felt the tangible presence of the Lord and actually saw him there with both hands on that chair that I really understood that love. I still struggle very much with issues of my heart, but the realization that I am loved and accepted just as I am, is what really transformed my heart from concrete to flesh and then to spirit. The fact that the Lord factored in my personality, my sense of humor, my desire to really love others as I have never had love, my children, my temperament, my past experiences, and that He took all of that and said “I’ll work with this Ash, everyone starts somewhere, come on let’s go, follow me!” That continues to blow my mind on a daily basis.
The Lord knows the chains that have been placed around your neck. He knows everything you have been through. He knows why you bite. He knows every step you have taken and will take; and He loves you and accepts you just as you are in this very moment. He is saying, I choose you, with every flaw, with every bend toward sin, with every mistake you have ever made, and He says, I choose you, follow me! Not, I’m left with you, I guess you’re good enough, come on. He says I see everything, and I CHOOSE YOU! Follow me! The rest will fall into place. Choose love like you have never known, and it will take you to places you never thought you could go. It starts in the heart. Choose love, He chooses you, every day, no matter what. He died for you and He is coming back for YOU. He is calling you from religion to relationship.
1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Romans 5:8 - But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Isaiah 41:13 - For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
1 John 4:10 - Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins.
Romans 8:35-39
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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