34. Visions and Voices 12.06.19

34. You’d think by now I’d realize that when the Lord gets quiet with me it’s because there’s something that needs dealt with. Luckily he’s bringing things into the light with me to deal with one step at a time. One action at a time. It makes it easier to handle. Lucky for you, you’re stuck with my live action blog of this journey. Enjoy some TMI and a few new visions in this one.

Psalm 37:23 King James Version (KJV)
23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

I asked him to show me what was holding me back and it was revealed to me that I was still holding on to old sexual sin. I pondered that for a while. I haven’t watched any porn in ages, haven’t had sex outside of marriage or masturbated since I’ve experienced deliverance. I thought I’d made some really good strides in this area. What was I holding onto? So I asked the Lord again and again I was told sexual sin. I thought about it for a while and repented for anything that I’ve done or thought about that could be considered sexual and the Lord replied that’s not it. What’s in your closet, Ash?

1 Corinthians 6:18 - Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

Woah, woah, woah Lord, there’s probably about a thousand dollars worth of lingerie hanging up in there. Some of it I haven’t even worn. (There was a time where I was an undercover wear consultant and sold lingerie and other items so my stock pile was pretty intense, plus my Victoria’s Secret addiction I had for a while)

There is no room for Eros, Ash. Only Agape. To be truly loved you don’t need these things anymore. Your body won’t earn you real love. To have your soul loved for eternity requires no fancy garment designed to appeal to the eyes in lust. You don’t need that anymore. Any husband you have in the future won’t require you to act or dress that way to feel loved or to experience true love and intimate affection.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 - For this is the will of God, [even] your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication

Knowing the Lord is right in my heart, the devil tried to get me to think of every logical reason to keep that stuff. I thought well, my next husband might enjoy those, some are brand new with tags, I have those fancy hangers and everything. In my heart I knew the Lord was right, that these were from a time in my life that was behind me. A time when I thought that sex would get you what you wanted and needed in life. Here comes the TMI but I know that this part of my story will help someone.

I have to be honest and say that I’ve always had a messed up view of sexuality. I grew up in a house where pornography was accessible. I grew up thinking you had to masturbate to fall asleep. (still not sure where a tiny child would get that from, my daughter is 8 and has never even brought it up. I thought it was “normal” for a child to experience that but the older my daughter gets and still she hasn’t mentioned it, the more I think there’s something unsettling about it). At a very young age (late elementary) I found Hustler magazines in the bathroom and grew up thinking that was what women were supposed to look like, act like, and what it would take to be loved by a man. They couldn’t have been classy playboys with articles either, they were the trashy ones. During that same time frame there were movies accessible in the living room. When I would be home alone I’d get them from under the couch and watch them thinking I was learning this secret adult code of how to be mature and how adults should act. Like I had this secret window into the adult world and I had to model myself after these women to get ahead. I never experienced the act of sex until high school with a boyfriend I ended up being with for three years but once I did, it was like this little manipulative sex vixen was released into the world. I knew how to get what I wanted and nothing stopped me.

I didn’t go to church or really see good relationships in person as live action examples. Many of my close friends had parents that split up or didn’t get along. I had no clue outside of watching tv of what a “normal” family life was like. I was clueless as to what a normal husband and wife relationship was like. I only knew what I lived with and what I saw. My parents didn’t get along, they never did anything together. I don’t ever remember them having any picnics or date nights. I don’t even think I ever remember seeing them lovingly hold each other in their arms. They never even sat together in the living room. My dad would be in his spot and my mom in hers. I don’t blame my parents because they were only going off of what they saw and grew up with too. However, in all honesty, if you have that stuff in your house please get rid of it or if you have to keep it, lock it up in a safe. Kids are nebby and hiding things in plain sight because they are just kids is not smart. Just don’t.

For years I lived my life thinking that drinking, sexual manipulation, drug use and hard work would get you to the top. That you’d have it all. That life would be perfect and you’d get what you wanted. That was how I lived my life. I thought when you had kids that would all change and your life would do this 180 to turn into a sitcom type relationship. I spent two decades of my life trapped in this worldly secular garbage of a cycle. Enough is enough. I will do anything the Lord asks me to do in order to be closer to him and to grow my relationship with the Holy Spirit. (That’s why I’m writing this now. I have to do the thing and take the step in order to get the next set of marching orders from the Lord, this weekend is too important for me to be held back by not putting this out there as I’m being led to).

So, I gathered up two trash bags at 1am when I couldn’t sleep and I went to my closet and bagged up every piece of lingerie I had because the Lord told me to. I even threw in a couple slutty dresses a mom shouldn’t wear. Hangers and all. The enemy tried to put a thought into my head about boxing them up or selling the new ones with tags, trying to reason with me to keep them in the house. Stupid devil acting like I don’t know his game. Mustard seed of doubt you have no place here. In the trash they went. I’m done letting the devil use my meat nugget of a brain and a mustard seed of doubt to reason sin into my life. (Not to say I’d never wear it again, if it was a gift from my husband and it was done in love I totally would wear something pretty that he buys me, if any of that ever happens lol.)

Hebrews 11:25-26
25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.

After I had tossed all of that out, hangers and all, I came out to the couch and began scrolling through Facebook. One of my new friends had done a live earlier that day with prayer, prophecy and a very strong presence of the Holy Spirit. As I began to relax and listen to the video, I started to hear a choir. The next thing I knew, I was back in the same throne room that I had envisioned early in November. This time I was not down where the Lord God Almighty would be seated, I was in a massive crowd. It felt like an endless arena as I looked down upon the throne room. As far as I could see or hear, there were millions of angels. Even though I knew in my spirit the multitude of the number of angels here, we were all connected and flowing together as one. Each individual was singing their own song in tongues but the melody of the individual songs as they come together was something I could never begin to put into words. It was breathtaking and brought tears to my eyes. Each song praising the Lord God Almighty with the perfect utterance of the Holy Spirit. Millions of perfect praises flooding the atmosphere blending together in perfect harmony. Indescribable beauty, endless love, mercy and amazing grace. There were rows and rows above me, below me, and the sides stretched on for what felt like forever. I slowly opened my mouth and my song came up from my Spirit. I honestly don’t have a clue as to how I was hitting the notes that I hit or how my ears were hearing what came out of my mouth. I couldn’t do it again if I tried. I was blown away. Hearing my song in the reality of physically sitting on the couch in the living room while simultaneously hearing the way my song blended with the melody of every other song I was hearing in the Spirit was something that I will never ever forget.

Revelation 5:11-12
11 And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands
12 Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.

The atmosphere there was one of pure love and an unmatched energy that makes you feel like you are one with everyone around you and one with the creator the Lord God Almighty at the same time. I remember how I had described the scene from November 6th as this pure white flow where the sky blends with the clouds and those clouds blend with the sandals of the Lord and everything flows together. It was exactly the same scenario, except this time I was blended in there too, along with the millions of other angels. We all were composed entirely of and blended together with, this constantly flowing, completely pure, bright white, energetic, all consuming fire like essence of the Lord God Almighty and the Holy Spirit. I think this is what we refer to when we say that someone is baptized in the Fire of the Lord. It was like an all consuming bright white pure fire flowing through and connecting us all to the creator as one.

Psalms 104:4 - Who maketh his angels spirits; his ministers a flaming fire

Hebrews 12:29 - For our God [is] a consuming fire.

Luke 3:16 - John answered, saying unto [them] all, I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire.

A lot of Christians lately have been speaking and sharing regarding a great revival coming. We all can see the need for it. It’s heartbreaking to the Lord the number of Christians that will participate if the action is around them but will not facilitate or bring forth their own action. We can’t preach unification and revival if we are focused on the things that divide us. We can claim revival and preach it up and down with our words, but if we as Christians aren’t willing to lay down our fleshly meat nugget desires and pick up the cross to follow the Lord and actually do what the Lord is leading us to do through the prompting of the Holy Spirit, revival will be just another thing we wish would happen. Like being able to go back to Crystal Pool in Fayette City again. They filled that baby in, there is no going back for one last splash.

Jesus is coming back and he could be coming a lot faster than we think.

Matthew 24:27 King James Version (KJV)
27 For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

Days after this amazing experience with the Lord and the Holy Spirit, I was laying in bed thinking about why I still hadn’t heard from the Lord regarding my next message. I had a vision but no message. Why was it so quiet? The next thing I knew I started to see the gnashing of teeth in the air.

I immediately began repeating “Get thee behind me, get out in Jesus name” over and over. Then in a woosh, down I went again. This time I wasn’t feeling the pain in my body like I had before. I was with the devil on a sort of tour. We were traveling so fast through this pitch black all consuming darkness. There were corridors and tunnels and a variety of different areas hidden throughout the darkness. There were more souls being tortured down there than there were singing praises in the throne room vision. So many more. The darkness was never ending.

Then for the first time I heard the enemy speak knowing it was the voice of the enemy. He didn’t come out and speak in anger or hatred or even an obvious sinister evil against God. He spoke with straight faced human like logic and reason. He spoke a lot in a voice that sounded very familiar. The same voice that would tell you to take the money out of the wallet you found before turning it in. The voice that says it’s raining hard just leave the shopping kart by the car. That’s his modus operandi (m.o. is his way of working or habits). It’s making things easy for your own flesh no matter what the cost to others, it’s reasoning with fleshly logic and the tiny doubtful thoughts that pull you away from the Holy Spirit and the Lord God Almighty. The devil is that simple. The enemy has the world over run with people who have been convinced that he doesn’t exist. The reason being that he will get them in the end as food for the pit and the Lord won’t be able to save them. The stinking enemy even has believers that believe in Jesus convinced that the gifts of the Holy Spirit aren’t for use in today’s world. The enemy has this world so agnostic and backwards it’s unreal and he’s loving every minute of it. At the same time, the Lord’s heart is breaking for this deception over the earth. The Lord is calling for the great revival. Saying show them the signs and wonders, show them that the Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ our Savior and the Holy Spirit are here for them begging them to come home where they belong. Wake them up. Show them the enemy is real and tell them how he works to deceive them.

2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

The words the enemy spoke were a simple reasoning with me. Saying, you’ve had two visions of Heaven and they have both been in the same room. Do you really want to spend eternity standing in one place singing? Wouldn’t that get boring? What if I told you that you could be down here working for me? Look at all of the variety here, all of the different souls, all of the different tortures. What if you could be here and not feel that pain but inflict it on others? What if you could inflict that pain on people you would have loved to hurt back? Wouldn’t that be so much more fun, interesting, challenging than what you’ve seen? Up there it’s all one, it’s boring, there’s no individuality, you’ll lose your identity. Here you’ll keep it and be empowered to inflict pain on unbelievers and to punish them for not believing in Jesus. What do you think?

Revelation 12:9 - And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

Before the enemy could even finish the deceiving paragraph he was rambling on about regarding turning me to the dark side, I declared that I was a child of God and belonged to Jesus Christ and to get behind me. I told the enemy that I wasn’t stupid and that even I know with my limited scripture knowledge, that he was a lair and that I’d for sure be feeling never ending pain if I ended up in his realm for eternity. I told him I was no longer believing his lies. Then just like that I was back in my bed, curled under the covers with my Bible on my chest ready to fall asleep like I always do. But here’s the thing. I’d be lying if I said that my fleshly nature wasn’t intrigued by that offer. I’d be lying if I said that my flesh wasn’t tempted. It was that easy to say I belonged to Jesus and to get out of there, but my stupid flesh nugget was still mulling it around and the enemy was still trying to reason a mustard seed of doubt into my idiot flesh brain regarding this amazing experience I had only days earlier with that choir in that throne room.

I’m not sure what my entire job from the Lord is supposed to be here on earth, but I know darn well that part of it is to expose the enemy and how he works in this world. I know that I know that I know that if the enemy is after me with blatantly obvious temptations, the Lord has an amazing future in store for me in ministry. I can’t wait to be a part of that throne room choir for all eternity singing praise to the Lord God Almighty.

James 1:12
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Psalm 11:4
The LORD is in His holy temple; the LORD'S throne is in heaven; His eyes behold, His eyelids test the sons of men.

2 Peter 2:9
The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished.

1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

I have to give a thank you to Erik (Nash’s dad) for always helping me figure out things and talking through scripture and visions with me. I don’t ever really know what scripture to put. I’m always led by the Holy Spirit, google and scriptures that find their way to me. I don’t know much about the different books of the Bible still quite yet. I’m getting better and reading more but when I have visions and describe things he is always the one to be like “that’s in the Bible, look this up” and then I do and I’m like oh I get it now. Thank you E!