Warfare, it's one of those words that can hit you different ways. Some think of warfare, they look in the mirror, they armor up and they walk this out. Others think of warfare as a constant battle, something that drags them two steps back when they take one step forward. I'd have to admit that as much as I am in, and want to remain in that first category, I often find my mind and my emotions bombarded and tempted to pull my mindset into that second group. Over the last few months I've found myself in that second group on more than one occasion. This past weekend, I traveled to a ministry event that ended up bringing me the exact clarity and breakthrough that I needed. It just happened to come from a literal choke hold from the devil when I came back home Saturday night.
Brace yourselves, here is your warning this is a long one.
Those of you that have followed my blog over the last three years remember how intense my visions were, how my experiences have all been documented right here, for no other reason than the Lord told me to and I'm doing my best to be obedient. It's amazing the way the Lord has orchestrated the steps of my life over the last few years. The testimonies of His faithfulness to my life are truly all I have in this world when it all falls away. That's what this is, a simple blog of testimonies, lessons learned and walked out in real time in my life. I felt the need to clarify this for some of the newer people that have found their way to my page. I greatly appreciate all of you that have been in this with me. It's about to ramp back up.
This past Thursday I was a mess. For about a week or two I had been bombarded with attacks of fear and uncertainty regarding selling these houses, getting another mortgage, hearing the Lord clearly, staying in His will, paying bills, etc. and as I was having my little fleshy panic attack in the kitchen, Regis looked at me and flat out said "Don't you realize that your entire life has been on sand and that you've never really had any control?, Sometimes I think I trust God more than you do." And with his sentence the Holy Spirit hit me to the core of my fleshy broken heart and I broke. I was shook, I cried in that kitchen realizing that I don't trust God like I act like I do. I went upstairs, took a shower and I was crying like I hadn't cried in ages. I screamed at The Lord "I don't trust you!" and in this quick reply I heard Him say back "NOW we can get to work"
I came to this realization in that moment. I'm ok with trusting God will use God's people to help, I am ok with trusting God will speak to me and to my husband and other Holy Spirit filled Christians so that we can help ourselves. I am good with trusting God with the lives of my kids and their futures. But when it comes to having zero ability to change my situation (whatever that may be at the time), no hand in anything, flat out zero no input from Ashley, rely on the Lord for every bit of everything hands down stuff, I realized that I don't trust the Lord with everything He's calling me to trust Him with. I allow fear in, I allow thoughts of worry to pitch tents in my mind and camp out, I spend so much time trying to solve the problems, instead of resting in the fact that the problem solver is living inside of me with His Holy Spirit.
I realized that this deep feeling of untrust was rooted in my childhood. I was bombarded with these thoughts. How do you fully trust someone who as an innocent child, put you with people who would constantly tear you down mentally and emotionally? How do you trust someone who, when you needed them the most, they felt the farthest away for decades? How do you trust someone who you felt wanted nothing to do with you for years? So many times I felt invisible to God as a child and into adulthood. Looking back, there would be times He would show up in my life undeniably, but when it came down to it. I was still wounded and not even realizing that I wasn't fully entrusting the Lord with everything He called me to.
I repented for not trusting Him, I asked for forgiveness, and I wept for hours. To be honest it doesn't matter why, or when or how or what as we look at the past. What matters is WHO, and the God who created me had His plan and whatever that was, the enemy meddled in and perverted and manipulated because he could. Now, it's my responsibility as a Holy Spirit filled adult, to discern the enemy, to discern my Lord Jesus and to lay it all down and follow Him.
Little did I know this would precede a very hard lesson about solely trusting in God. The Lord broke me like a wild stallion this past weekend. His lead.
The very next day, Friday, the Lord decided to slap me in the face with a humble pie as someone graciously sowed into my ministry. He's funny like that with me, thank you Jesus.
Saturday I was invited to the second annual women's meeting that was hosted by a friend. It was so amazing to bring new ladies with me, and to see many of the same women from last year. It was a blessing to hear testimonies of how the Lord has worked in their lives. It was an open forum day with art, food, ministry, fellowship and friendship. So many amazing God moments happened this weekend but what captivated me was the fruit from last year. I was so blown away by the Goodness of God and his faithfulness to the lives and spiritual growth of these women.
This is what it's all about. The fruit, the change, the things that "Only God can do" in our lives. Friday night I was blessed to pray for a young woman that was anxious and fearful. She had a track meeting Saturday morning and when she came back from the track meet, we asked her how it went, and she said for the first time in as long as she can remember, when she got down on her marks, she wasn't anxious. This is what the Lord does. These are the little changes The Lord does in our lives that make a BIG difference. Last year another woman there felt led to explore prophetic art, the Lord gave her confirmation and over the past 12 months she's done classes and is selling water color cards and art that fund her prophetic ministry.
This is what revival looks like, it starts in hearts, in families, in homes and small circles, it starts with an individual hunger for the Lord. How hungry are you?
Most of you know that I'm not passing up prayer if it's offered, and I was blessed to get prayer over the weekend that confirmed so much for me regarding the Prayer meetings here in Uniontown and the shift in the direction of my calling from the Lord. One of the things that we talked about during prayer was trusting the Lord. I remember hearing prayer that I'd be trusting the Lord on another level. I was about to find out what that meant.
As I was heading home on Saturday, little did I know that the enemy had a plan all his own.
I get home pretty late Saturday night and I walk in the door and over to the kitchen. I'm standing there looking out the window and this heaviness came over me that about weighed me down to the floor. I knew it was witchcraft but it was suffocating me, and I lost it. I was overcome with this feeling of defeat and what do I need to do to get this stuff out of this house? Many of you that know what I have been dealing with in that house over the last year would understand. I was like, Lord How can I pray for and help a hundred other people but I can't help myself, what do I need to do?! I went from hanging all weekend with Jesus to standing face to face with the devil in my own kitchen and I didn't know why!
That was what's been eating at me, the why, the what do I do, the what prayer do I need to say, what do I need to break or renounce, or declare that's going to change this situation. The how do I close the doors, how do I do this, how do I pray that. It was this false sense of control that something I would finally pray or say or do would break this thing and get it out of here for good. I didn't know what else to do so I decided to just go to bed.
Here's where it gets interesting, I'm laying in bed next to Regis and all of a sudden I'm overtaken with this vision, My hands and feet were tied with multiple ropes to 4 different groups of horses, It was hot, dry and dusty, the setting reminded me of an old roman type coliseum and I was literally being pulled apart (quartered) by these groups of horses. I remember feeling this strength in my core, like they could pull as hard as they possibly could and nothing would tear me apart. It was another confirmation that I was dealing with witchcraft. I was feeling the pull from the horses on the outside of my flesh but in my spirit, I felt this strength and certainty that I would survive and not be harmed. I had no fear.
As that vision began to fade, I felt two very strong hands grip my neck. It was like these two huge thumbs were pressing into that space in the middle of my neck right above my collar bone and the hands were wrapped around my neck with the fingers digging into my shoulders. I couldn't breathe. I started to look over at Regis thinking it's going to stop, but it didn't stop. It got tighter, and tighter and I thought to myself, ok, it's an attack, demons are stupid, get out of here, lets pray. So I'm praying in my head, trying not to pass out, but it wouldn't stop. It seemed like forever, but it was probably only a minute or so, but after that minute turned into two, turned into three, my authority in the prayers in my mind began to fade and fear was right up in my face. Regis is starting to freak out, I am starting to freak out, I can't talk, I can't breathe, every minute or so I'd get a good gasp but then right back to the choke. I am panicking and having a hard time seeing and hearing at this point, and in my head I'm like calling to Regis to pray, I'm thinking, I can't hear anything, why isn't he praying, I can't hear anything, why isn't he using his yelling at the dogs voice. (He was actually praying the entire time) but the enemy had my ears plugged. I was in this struggle for what felt like an hour but realistically was probably only 5-7 mins. I remember hearing the enemy mocking me saying "you don't know what you're up against, you can't trust him, he can't save you, he did this" and the last thing I remember was thinking I'm going to pass out, I have nothing left, and I thought Lord I have to trust you. As soon as my mind gave up the fight of trying, or yelling in my mind for someone to do something to help me, just as I felt myself going limp, and I let go of the flesh and gave my fate to Jesus, that demon had to let me go. I finally gave it to the Lord, every bit of it, and that thing HAD to let me go in that moment.
I cried, not because it let me go, but because I was free. It brought this amazing revelation to me. I am free from fighting the strongholds of Witchcraft, Fear, Poverty and Murder that are over this town with my flesh. I am free from wondering what to pray or what root to pull up or what curse to renounce to get breakthrough here. I am fighting at a level that isn't gong to respond to those things. Not because they're not relevant, but because we are past that now. Because we've done all that and there's more, there's higher and there's levels of warfare that the Lord is calling me to that will require sole trust in HIM and he's finally brought that level of trust out in me. It's no longer about what we pray, but that the Spirit of the Lord is within you praying through you. (little did I know a lesson on opening doors was coming right up)
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. God has called me to intercede in warfare in the high places. He is calling leadership to a level of trust that requires laying down our lives.
He will shake what needs to be shaken to bring out what needs to be cultivated in you. Don't resist the shaking.
Sunday was a great service in church. I had so much freedom in worship, I felt the Lord closer to me than He has been in a very long time. It turned out that Pastor Harry and I had some cool confirmation even though we were in different states regarding incorporating in the global call to pray for Israel and going to see John Bevere in Youngstown on May 5th for the Awe of God book tour. God is moving in our little town of Uniontown and I will no longer lay down while people are murdered every month here. Principality or ruler or devil himself. I am not leaving Uniontown until the Lord releases me. I do know what I'm up against, and I am not backing down.
Sunday we had a great family day and came home to relax. As we were standing in the kitchen, Regis comes over to me and he looked kind of freaked out. I mean, that's normal warfare for me but for him, not so much. He says to me, I didn't realize how that stuff targets you. I have to apologize to you, I think I opened the door to whatever that was last night. So immediately the devil is like your husbands going to get you killed and I'm like shut up devil, and Regis goes on. Prior to Jesus there was this show he used to watch on Netflix, there were 9 seasons and it went away but I guess they just came out with season 10.
So as I was on my way home Saturday from an amazing weekend of leveling up, healing and ministry assignments shifting, the devil, knowing the only way to get to me is through other people at this point, goes after my husband. Now, he didn't show up to Regis saying hmmm lets watch this show and see how we can torture your wife, no no no. He shows up saying oh she won't be home till later, you have free time, lets just see if that show is really bad, I mean it's just a show on a tv, in a room she hardly ever sleeps in, what's the harm. About 20 mins into this show Regis gets convicted from the Lord and turned it off, but the door was already opened. The enemy had his way in and took every advantage of it. This isn't little kids watching horror movies anymore. This is a fight for our salvation and the salvation of mankind.
The Lord used that open door for two amazing reasons this weekend, one to allow my trust to fully be formed in the Lord, and two, to bring the reality of this to Regis's eyes. He understands deliverance, but I really don't think he knew what spiritual warfare could look like when you are heavily involved in deliverance ministry and the devil hates your stinking guts. Regis went upstairs repented, prayed to close the door he opened and commanded the devil out of our house. This is why it's important to clean house, to live as righteously as possible. Think of it in military ranking, as you rank up, your fight ramps up. A Sergeant Major of the Army isn't fighting a Corporal or a Specialist or a Private.
Remember leaders, we are fighting a fight that few understand. We are at levels of intercession and battle that are not the normal for the every day Christian. We see and experience things that many would run away from. Keep moving forward. DO NOT GIVE UP! This is a season where the enemy is ramping up. Raise yourself up to your level of authority and function there with Jesus. That's where you belong. The rest will fall into place.
Pioneers, forerunners, keep blazing new trails to showcase His GLORY!
Acts 3:19-23 19 Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, 20 that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, 21 whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago. 22 Moses said, ‘The Lord God will raise up for you a prophet like me from your brothers. You shall listen to him in whatever he tells you. 23 And it shall be that every soul who does not listen to that prophet shall be destroyed from the people.’,
James 5:16-20 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. 18 Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.19 My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, 20 let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. 10 Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.11 Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun. 12 For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it. 13 Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked 14 In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.
2 Corinthians 4 The Light of the Gospel 4 Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. 3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
Treasure in Jars of Clay 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you. 13 Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, 14 knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. 15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
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