You ever get into one of those conversations with the Lord where you can feel the way He would be looking at you when He's talking? Like you can feel both the love and conviction that call us higher while feeling the fear and respect the Lord deserves all at the same time.
"Wanna talk about it Ash?" Nope Lord, I really don't, I got this. It's just a little warfare, a little adjusting, the retreat is coming up, I've been doing deliverance, I'm sure I have a target on my back, I just got married, it's an adjustment, it's just a little warfare I'm fine.
A few days later... "Wanna talk about it now, Ash?" Me.... Lord.... Me....Lord..... Me: I am fine. I'm sure it was just a bad day. 'That's an awful lot of bad days to be having lately, Ash" Me: Lord, I will be fine.
A few days later.... "Ash, reading the word more would help, worshiping more would help, doing declarations would help." Me...Lord...Me...Lord...Me: I know Lord but I am mentally exhausted after work, school is taking up a lot of my time, I feel like I am not there enough for my kids, for people who need me for ministry, or for my husband. I feel like there are never enough hours in the day. "Really Ash?, this coming from the girl that never sleeps a full night and is always up. I wired you for intercession, not to lose hours to whatever thoughts the enemy tosses in your head. You know better."
Me getting upset with the Lord now, like I have a right to or something: I do know better, I know I do, Lord you know I have been up all night, you know I have been dealing with this crazy heaviness, this attack of suicidal thoughts and random panic attacks out of no where. I also had chest pain the other day for the first time in decades. I am exhausted, I am being attacked and I am tired. Last night when I was laying in bed with Nash, there was all kinds of activity in that room, stuff swirling around the ceiling above the bed, demons all up in my face. I slept with the Bible on my chest and the audio Bible playing on my phone and that stuff was still there. I have anointed that house with oil, I have prayed, I have done what I know to do. I am tired and I am losing it. I was so mad that I cussed the other day Lord. This isn't me. I feel to exhausted to pray, I feel too exhausted to even open my mouth. I feel like a dead dog.
"Legal rights and generational curses Ash"
You know those moments where you are praying about something and waiting to hear the answer, praying and waiting, praying and waiting. Then the Lord just drops a simple little truth bomb that dismantles every argument or frustration you have had and the lightbulb just goes on? Generational curses and legal rights. It's as simple as that. Lord, I have gone through a ton of deliverance regarding my generational line. I thought I was good. "You were good, but you have a legally binding marriage covenant document that has given an entire new bloodline worth of demons your GPS location."
Me...Lord...Me...Lord....Me: Well, at least I know what I'm dealing with. "You know deep down you kinda knew" Me: Yeah and I just didn't want to be the one to have to deal with it. I'm exhausted. "The enemy wants you exhausted, busy and distracted."
"Anxiety, cardiac attacks, depression, generational addictions, gambling and idolatry would be a good place to start." Ok Lord, I'm hearing you. I can't help but feel frustrated that I have done this all before for my family line and now I have to do it again. "It's not about doing it for you, it's about your family now. You know, the family you prayed for, the family you were excited about, that family. There's a reason you're here. Show up for it."
When our emotions get the best of us, when we are too tired to open the bible, when we are too tired to pray, when we fail, The Lord is still standing on the sidelines encouraging us to finish well. When we don't stay disciplined, when we find ways to cut out bible study or worship because we have other things to do, we open ourselves up to attack. We open ourselves up to letting the thoughts in our minds get the best of us. We are not dead dogs in Lo-debar.
Life can get in the way, never forget who's you are. Never forget why we are here. I have fought the Lord on things that He was calling me to do simply because I don't wanna do them. It's rebellious. I've had to repent on more than one occasion for wanting my will over the will of the Lord.
Stay ready for warfare, it'll punch you in the face if you don't. Deliverance isn't one and done. It never is. It's a process, it's a lifestyle of repentance. It's deeper healing as we walk this out. None of us have a perfect walk but we have a perfect Lord.
2 Corinthians Chapter 10:3-5 3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
1 Peter 5:8 - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Ephesians 6:13 - Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Deuteronomy 28:7 - The LORD shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways.
Luke 10:19 - Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Matthew Chapter 18:18-20 18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Numbers 14:18 - The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.
Ezekiel 18:20 - The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.
Galatians 3:10 - For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.
Jeremiah 17:5 - Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
Deuteronomy 5:6-10 6 I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. 7Thou shalt have none other gods before me. 8Thou shalt not make thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the waters beneath the earth: 9Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, 10And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.
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