From the Muck to the Mighty; My Journey with Jesus

  I've been trying to find the words that the Lord wants to convey regarding last weekend in Brookville, but I am struggling to put the words in the right order. Since being asked to be on the ministry team for the retreat in April, I have known that I would need to deal with some things, and that the Lord was wanting to break some things off of me before that time comes. It's difficult to minister to others when the Lord has things that you need ministered to in your own heart. People don't understand my passion for deliverance, for inner healing and for ministry, but that's ok, they probably aren't meant to. We are all called to minister in different ways. Some quietly through friendships, some through writing, others through art, some through a platform and others through whispers. Yet we are all called to focus on the Lord, on His kingdom come here on earth, on discipleship, on raising one another up and on being real enough to experience the healing you need. I...

  I had been asking the Lord for revelation on the reason for my troubled sleep over the last few days. It was quiet, so I got Nash together and headed to drop him off. I'm dragging, tired, my body aches, feels worn down and the Lord whispered to me "come out of the shadows, Ash". After I dropped Nash off, I was heading back to work and the Lord decided to shake things up. I had this burning vision in my mind of a gas station. The sign says 5.15 a gallon. Then almost immediately, it flashed to what I believed to be a draft. The sky was grey, it was dusty, and I saw thousands of men lined up. This wasn't a single file line, it was almost as far across as it was deep. However, this didn't look like the draft pictures form the 60's. These men didn't look strong enough to face what was coming at them. They were ill-equipped. They were confused. They were being sacrificed. For what, I am still not sure. My main guess is the cry of Peace and Safety, not knowing ...

  I've been wrestling with a ton of different emotions lately. I've been feeling frustrated, out of place and overall stuck. When you feel the Spirit moving, and you feel like you can see the end of the tunnel, life becomes a training ground for the cultivation of patience and focus. Those are two things that my flesh have never been good at. I'm not going to lie. I have a tendency to have a short attention span, need to constantly be moving and never really know how to slow down. I'm getting better, but this patience thing feels like the definition of cultivation. When you look up the definition its listed as "the process of trying to acquire or develop a quality or skill". It's a process and it takes effort. It's not this instant thing like I know I would want it to be.  I was reminded of this on Saturday when I went to the worship and healing service at Mountaintop Worship Center. The atmosphere there is always so warm and welcoming. You almost feel...

I’m not going to lie I’m angry today. I’m emotional and I’ve had enough. Enough of staying silent when I want to scream. There is a war going on in the heavens. There is no one that’s invincible. What we need now more than ever are people willing to equip others with the truth. With the power of the Holy Spirit and with deliverance. There is not one person on earth that doesn’t need the Holy Spirit. There is not one person on earth that doesn’t need deliverance. Not a one. I’ve had a rough week, I’ve felt the air becoming thick, I’ve been in a space where I’ve felt in between, not sure of what to do or what to say. My friend Rose likened it to a hallway period. One where you’re wandering down this path not sure which door to choose. I asked the Lord yesterday to show me why it’s been quiet lately and as per the usual He was like sure Ash, bam💥 ask and you shall receive. As I picked Nash up for daycare yesterday it was like the thickness of the spiritual warfare was suffocating me. I g...

  The other evening we had a prayer meeting at church. As the music played the Lord showed me two visions. The first one was of a field. It reminded me of land that you would see down south. The area was flat and dusty and the air was hot and dry. There were multiple churches lined up. They were constructed of old wood. They had tall steeples and large bell towers. They were worn down, the wood was depleted and the paint was chipping off. They were full of people dressed up in their Sunday best waiting for the sermons to begin.  Suddenly, I began to hear the sound of thunder and the ground was trembling as if a freight train was coming through. As I looked around, I saw the largest tornado I’ve ever seen. The Lord spoke to my heart “the winds of change”.  The next thing I know, the churches are being torn to shreds. Wood is flying, people are screaming and the entire area is swept completely clean. “No more gentle breezes Ash. It’s time to tear down what’s holding the Hol...

  I have been thinking a lot about about my prayer life recently. I remember as a child saying the Our Father prayer every night. Something about it just made me feel better. I would see shadows in my room, hear noises, and often times things would move for no apparent reason. No matter how dark things got, I would pull the covers up over my head and say that prayer. I'd say it a few times and as I would continue praying the fear would always go away, along with the shadows.  As I got older and fell away from the Lord, somehow I knew that as long as I prayed, that I would be ok. No matter how much trouble I got myself into, physically, mentally or emotionally, the Lord would always bring peace to my situation when I would pray, but I had to go to Him first. I had to ask for the help I needed. I had to lay my situations down at His feet. I had to apologize, I had to repent and I had to ask for forgiveness and help. Yet, I can't remember a time that He let me down. No matter how...

  I've felt the need to write for a few days now. Write what, I'm not quite sure. I feel a whirlwind of emotions. My heart hurts, my body is worn out from restless nights and I feel lost in the direction that my life is headed. Not in a bad way, but in a restless way. There's that patience lesson again. Do I have faith, yes. Do I still struggle to believe that all of this is real, also yes. How am I traveling to Brookville to share my testimony? How am I a part of a ministry team that travels the world? How am I a core part of my church? How am I making such a difference? How am I seeing people healed and delivered? How am I as a mother, as a daughter, or as a friend? How have I changed so drastically over the last year, even down to the last few months? How can the Lord use ME?  The truth is, I feel like I’ve spent the last two years running in a marathon. Meetings, sermons, books, teaching, scripture, prayer, fasting, missions, etc. I feel like I’m being conditioned to go...