“You done throwing your fit, Ash?” Not really. “You gotta shake it off, you’re throwing yourself off with this.” Lord I thought you were in this, I thought this time things would finally be different. “They’re only going to be different when you grow up and stop letting your emotions get the best of you.” But I’m an emotional person, Lord. I thought that was a gift, the way I feel emotions and can feel the spirit in the moment, in the room and in other people. “It is a gift, but you also need to know when it becomes too much of your fleshy wants mixed in and it clouds your vision.” I don’t want my vision Lord, I want to walk in your vision for my life. Why is it so hard to just know what to do, where to go and who I am meant to spend my time with? “If I answered that, this wouldn’t be as fun now would it, Ash? What would you learn if I gave you the play by play? It’s called free will.” I’m not in the mood for free will Lord. I’m in the mood to figure out why I’m always the one giving more than I get back. I’m in the mood to figure out your will for my life and get to it. “Get out of the crib Ash, it’s time to realize that emotions are fickle and fade. You aren’t meant to live be your emotions. You are to be led by the Spirit and by Truth.” Ugh, Lord I’m hearing you, but I’m not liking it. “I don’t think Daniel liked being tossed in the Lions den but he made it out with deeper faith.”
“Look around what do you see, Ash? What was the vision I gave you with this?” The vision was of a forest, the leaves were all over the ground, it was chilly and the wind was blowing. As I stepped on the leaves I could hear them crunching beneath my feet like the typical sounds of fall. The sun was shining through the trees providing a warmth on my skin that countered the chill of the wind. I felt cozy and warm. As I kept walking I noticed that as I stepped on the leaves I began to hear the hissing of snakes. As I continued on the path they began to strike at my legs and feet with every step. They weren’t hitting me but they scared me pretty good. “Do you see the number of snakes, can you count them?” No, Lord, they are too many to count. They just keep coming with every step. “Do you see what I’m getting at?” Not really Lord, to be honest, I just feel lost like I don’t know where this path is headed. “Keep moving forward, Ash. They’ll never stop biting.” Then the Lord put it on my heart that our own emotions can bite at us, poison us, and even cause our death. The snakes will never stop biting at you while your on your walk. Situations and events will always come up that are beyond your control. It’s up to you to decide how to handle them. As I continued on the path I saw a body to my right, laying among the leaves, it looked to be long deceased and the snakes were smothering it like a mummy. “Do you get it, Ash?” The Lord whispered quietly. Yes, I think I get it, Lord. More of this death to the flesh business. “You’re not fasting for nothing, Ash. You’ll get the hang of it, keep going” Lord I know you’re always giving me lessons in threes so I can only imagine what’s next. As I continued on, my right hand slipped down past my waist as I was walking and bam, I got bit. I could feel the pain like I was there, it shot straight up my arm and across my chest and it felt like it landed in my heart. I could see the snake hanging off of my hand, I could see a sinister grin on its face as it’s fangs dug into my flesh. It hurt bad. “What are you learning, Ash?” I don’t know, I can’t think, it hurts, I feel like I’m going to faint. “Shake it off, Ash” As I held my hand out the snake looked at me like it wasn’t going anywhere. The pain made my vision blurry, I couldn’t breathe. Yet, I listened to the Lord and began to shake my hand. The snake went from sinister to confused as it fell to the ground. I could see the fang marks in my hand. I could see the blood dripping down my hand and feel it’s warmth running down my cold fingers. “You’ll be fine, keep moving forward, Ash. It’s just a bite, you’ll be ok.” As I continued walking I felt the urge to hold my hand up to the light. I fell to my knees on the path and feeling weak I held my hand up to the sun. As soon as I hit my knees the pain went away, slowly I saw the blood dry up and the wound on my hand close. I began to open and close my hand and the pain was gone. All I had to do was to trust, to surrender my will, and to hold it all up to the light of the Lord.
Emotional healing is one of the toughest things that I’ve gone through. Like an onion layers and layers of pain and hurt require the peeling back, the exposing and the willingness to face things and keep moving forward in your walk. Being a Christian and having the Holy Spirit is one thing, ministry and praying for people is one thing, but healing your own heart so people can get close to you is something totally different. It’s a process that takes a lot of work, a lot of introspection and a lifetime of forgiveness and letting things go. The happiest people aren’t the ones who have everything going right, they’re the ones that can keep loving, and keep moving forward even when everything is going wrong. Don’t let the disappointments of this world hold you back, don’t let your emotional response end in your spiritual death. Let go, let God and keep going! The Lord never promised us that the bite wouldn’t sting, but He promised us that the poison will not kill our spirits, it will only make them stronger! You can get bitten, shake it off, go heal the sick and rely on the Lord to provide for all of your needs!
Don’t love to be loved. Love to be love. The Lord will take care of the rest.
Acts 28:3-10
3 But when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and laid them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat and fastened itself on his hand. 4 When the natives saw the creature hanging from his hand, they began saying to one another, “Undoubtedly this man is a murderer, and though he has been saved from the sea, justice has not allowed him to live.”5 However he shook the creature off into the fire and suffered no harm. 6 But they were expecting that he was about to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But after they had waited a long time and had seen nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds and began to say that he was a god.
7 Now in the neighborhood of that place were lands belonging to the leading man of the island, named Publius, who welcomed us and entertained us courteously three days. 8 And it happened that the father of Publius was lying in bed afflicted with recurrent fever and dysentery; and Paul went in to see him and after he had prayed, he laid his hands on him and healed him. 9 After this had happened, the rest of the people on the island who had diseases were coming to him and getting cured. 10 They also honored us with many marks of respect; and when we were setting sail, they supplied us with all we needed.
John 13:34-35
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
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