It has been a rough few weeks for me emotionally. I have been battling feelings and thoughts of insecurity, inferiority, and guilt. Those familiar spirits seem to attack me any chance they get. Yesterday, the passing of my dog Dusty, my first baby boy, broke my heart. Mostly because he passed away in his sleep and I wasn't laying with him petting his head or telling him what a good boy he was these last 17 and a half years. That seemed to be the icing on the emotional cake that led to a nice break down for me. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. Sometimes when we feel that if we simply said something different or did something different that the entire outcome of certain situations would be changed. If only I would have... If only I could have said... If only I didn't say this or didn't do that... then... The enemy seems to enjoy throwing those types of thoughts at me on a daily basis. If only I was different, if only I reacted differently, if only I made different decisions, or spoke different words then things would have worked out differently. Yet, here I am in the here and now, with nothing I am able to say or do to change anything. The question then becomes, do you trust that where you are in the here and now, is where you are meant to be? Do you trust the creator of the universe, or are you trying to trust yourself?
Revelation 4:11 NASB 11 “Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created.”
Acts 14:15-17 NASB 15 and saying, “Men, why are you doing these things? We are also men of the same nature as you, and preach the gospel to you that you should turn from these vain things to a living God, who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and all that is in them. 16 In the generations gone by He permitted all the nations to go their own ways; 17 and yet He did not leave Himself without witness, in that He did good and gave you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness.”
One of the hardest things for me to do is to surrender control. The Lord keeps pulling at my heart regarding this subject. I have this desire to control the way things pan out. I have this urge to know what is going to happen every minute of every day. I have to know what to expect so I can practice in my head how to react, what to say, what to do. I just want to know, so I can be this perfect polished version of myself...and I fail every time. What has this ever gotten me? Only more thoughts of worry, frustration, disappointment, and feeling like I didn't do or say what I should have. If you all think that because I pour everything out in videos or blogs that things are all sunshine and rainbows over here. you'd be sadly mistaken. I struggle every day, just like many of you. I truly hope that these words can help others work through similar things in their lives. If this dear diary type blog of me sorting through my mess helps you, then maybe I am finally saying and doing something right. Even just for a little bit.
Jeremiah 10:23 NKJV O Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; It is not in man who walks to direct his own steps.
Proverbs 23:26 NKJV - My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.
Galatians 2:20 NKJV - I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
The enemy is a prowling lion waiting to devour. Spiritual warfare always begins with our minds. What thoughts do you let in? What thoughts do you invite in to sit down and have coffee with vs not even letting them come in and sit down. We can't truthfully be sitting and having coffee with demonic thoughts and expect it to end well. It starts with a what if, and then it goes deeper, then feelings and emotions become heightened. All for what? For things you can't change but wish you could? For things that would have what? The worst decision you can make, is to try and figure all of this out. It's not our burden to carry. None of it is. Not the news, not the conspiracies, not even the evil in this world. It is simply our job to walk it out like our Savior Jesus did. To walk in love, to not cast judgement, to help others and to lift them up in Christ. Even when we don't FEEL like being that way. We are CALLED TO LIVE BEYOND OUR FEELINGS. Which is the hardest things that I have honestly ever even tried to do. I used to shoot from the hip with my mouth, sometimes I still have to hold myself back from saying things I shouldn't. Sometimes even the things I shouldn't think or say will sneak through. You have to guard your minds, your thoughts, your will and your emotions to be stronger than the enemy't attack. Surrender your thoughts, your word, your will, your emotions and your actions unto the Lord. He knows what He is doing, in all things, at all times.
1 Peter 5:6-11 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
1 Corinthians 10:12-13 ESV 12 Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 John 2:5-6 ESV 5 but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: 6 whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.
Philippians 2:12-16 ESV Lights in the World
12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain
Last night we had a zoom meeting for our trip to NY. As we were praying, the Lord had given me a vision. It reminded me of a long hallway that you would see in a castle, one with multiple suits or armor lined as far as I could see. There were angels lined up, standing with the armor. Their stature was very large and dominating, they had a radiance about them that was both righteous and fierce. They were tall If I had to guess 12-15 feet, the size of two of my cars, one on top of the other, able bodied, and they were polishing the armor as if preparing it for battle at the Kings command. The Lord put on my heart that these were warring angels preparing for a battle. At first I thought they were shining armor four our group, in order for us to minister this weekend, then the Lord put it on my heart later that night that they are indeed preparing for battle themselves. We don't realize what we are up against in this earth. Many can't begin to fathom the truth behind spiritual warfare and the thought manipulation of the enemy. Many will never truly recognize the battle we are facing. Let me tell you though, from this vision, we really have nothing to fear. The Lord has an army of angels on assignment. Not only this coming weekend in NY, but all day every day. They are diligently polishing the armor that will be used in battle. They are ready for war. They are ready to dominate the enemy's control. They are preparing for a battle larger than ever before. With that vision came a peace and rest in my spirit. We have nothing to fear.
2 Samuel 14:17 ESV 17 And your servant thought, ‘The word of my lord the king will set me at rest,’ for my lord the king is like the angel of God to discern good and evil. The Lord your God be with you!”
Revelation 14:6-13 ESV The Messages of the Three Angels
6 Then I saw another angel flying directly overhead, with an eternal gospel to proclaim to those who dwell on earth, to every nation and tribe and language and people. 7 And he said with a loud voice, “Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come, and worship him who made heaven and earth, the sea and the springs of water.”
8 Another angel, a second, followed, saying, “Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great, she who made all nations drink the wine of the passion of her sexual immorality.”
9 And another angel, a third, followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives a mark on his forehead or on his hand, 10 he also will drink the wine of God's wrath, poured full strength into the cup of his anger, and he will be tormented with fire and sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. 11 And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever, and they have no rest, day or night, these worshipers of the beast and its image, and whoever receives the mark of its name.”
12 Here is a call for the endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and their faith in Jesus
13 And I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.” “Blessed indeed,” says the Spirit, “that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!”
WE HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR
Philippians 1:18-26 ESV
18 What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.
To Live Is Christ
Yes, and I will rejoice, 19 for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, 20 as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. 22 If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. 23 I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. 24 But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again.
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