I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been discouraged or felt more down in the dumps since all of this virus nonsense came about. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t using my introverted nature to shut down and hide away. I’d be lying if I said that I’ve been reading my Bible every night and spending quality time with the Lord each morning. To be honest, when I start to feel sad, depressed or anxious, I feel like the Lord can seem really far away. Even knowing enough, to know that it’s me who’s changed my position, I still slip into this bad habit of shutting everyone out, even the Lord.
I have to remind myself that building a relationship with the Lord takes time and work, it’s not always easy and it’s not always fun. It’s difficult to keep reminding myself that it’s worth it, but I can assure you that it is. Faith can be a fight because it goes against our bodies fleshly logic that demands scientific explanations. It’s a good fight. Don’t ever let a few bad days, weeks, or years damage your faith.
Hebrews 11:6 ESV
6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
1 Timothy 6:12
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses
When I started my journey with the Lord, every new word was pure excitement. Every vision was a new revelation. I began to think that I could help people in some way with all of this. I kept thinking that my stories, my journey, what I was hearing, and the visions I’d been seeing, were all part of something greater. I began to think that I was part of the way the Lord was to pour out His Spirit all over the earth. I was breathless on more than one occasion, floored by the majesty of His presence. Every day was exciting and presented itself as a new chance to learn and grow in the Word.
Acts 2:17
17 And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.
It kept getting more and more exciting. I’d see visions and get words for people. I’d write a few times a week about my journey or how I felt. I’d provide detail on my experiences to give everyone the knowledge that I’d been given. I was finally able to create the relationship I craved with the Lord without the legalism of religion. The light bulb finally went off. This speaking in tongues stuff isn’t crazy, it’s a gift. Healing, signs, wonders, miracles, they’re all around us. I’m not going to shut up about it. Freely receive, freely give. I felt that I had finally gotten a grip on becoming who I was born on this earth to be. When I was home with the kids before going back to work, it was easy to carve out time for the Lord. It was easy to write things down as they happened. It was easy to take time and worship. Truth be told, since I’ve been back to work, I feel as if I’m losing almost all the ground I had gained. I feel short on time, short on energy, short on giving the kids the attention they deserve, I feel depleted in every area of my life. I try to put my head in the Bible and I fall asleep, I can’t concentrate or I spend time reading and instantly forget what I was reading because my mind is on a hundred other things at the same time. It’s frustrating to say the least. I feel disappointed in myself for not being able to balance things the way everyone else seems to. I feel guilty for not making homemade dinners and for forgetting to say grace sometimes. I feel like it’s just as impossible now for me to get things together as it’s always been. Sometimes I even feel like I’m letting the Lord down by calling myself a Christian and never being able to live up to what that should look like. My daughters always going to have messy hair and food on her face, my son is a tiny Dennis the Menace, and I hate dressing up and wearing makeup. I constantly feel like I’m just under the bar. Even knowing how much the Lord loves me, it doesn’t always make me love myself. I ask for forgiveness for this perfectionism I feel I must obtain, again, it doesn’t make me love myself. This is one of those times, where I have to trust that the Lord knows what’s best and if the Lord loves me, despite my flaws, then I need to work harder on accepting that love and loving who He created me to be. Even though I’m far from perfect.
Psalm 18:19 – He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
Psalm 147:11 – The Lord’s delight is in those who fear him, those who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Ephesians 2:10(ESV)
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Romans 8:1-2 (NKJV)
8 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
The visions and words keep coming, most of which I don’t want to talk about. I feel overwhelmed with revelation, visions and warnings. What used to be fun and exciting, has now turned into a barrage of things I don’t think I’m spiritually qualified for, or ready to talk about. It used to be that I’d see a vision and the next thing I know I’d be scrolling through Facebook and see a photo of the very vision I had the day before. Whether it is a scripture in meme format or if it’s something else, it would shock me. Many would call that a coincidence, but I’ve learned through all of this, that there are no coincidences, only the Lord guiding things on earth through the Holy Spirit. I remember having a vision of a field with flowers that was in a valley surrounded by mountains, then I saw the picture as I was scrolling through my feed. I gasped and saved it to my phone. There was another time at freedom fest that I was praying for a young lady, I saw a similar field and then saw a familiar scene the next day. I also had a vision of a trail through tall grass for a gentleman I had prayed for and a day or two later saw the same thing online.
Numbers 12:6 (ESV)
6 And he said, “Hear my words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord make myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream.
That brings me to tonight. I was led to watch The Shack. I don’t usually get into movies, but for some reason it was put on my heart to watch this particular movie. Now, a few weeks ago, the Lord had given me a vision of the way He had viewed the earth. I was above the land looking down at what appeared to be colored ants. Millions of them. Some were white, some gold, some red, some black, some green, some blue. At the same time, I was hearing the parable about separating the wheat from the tares. This vision was a while ago, I didn’t really think much of it. I had been waiting for the rest of the message to come to me so I could piece it together. About that same time a few of my friends had been talking on Facebook about the movie The Shack, saying it was good. I put it on my bucket list and thought I’d get to it. Every few days the Lord would put it on my heart to watch that movie. I kept putting it off. Well, tonight I finally sat down to watch it. There were two parts that stuck with me from that movie. They directly related to what the Lord had been putting on my heart lately.
One was the endless and equally abundant love the Lord has for every one of us. It really put things into a new perspective for me and reminded me of my vision from the other day. The Lord loves every single one of us. Parents can relate, maybe pet moms can too. If you stood here and had to choose to send one of your children or one of your pets to hell could you do it? Would you ever be happy about it? Could you choose one over the other? The answer is no. I’ll take it one step further and say that if your child was deliberately hurting themselves and putting themselves on a path to destruction, would you do your very best to stop them? Would you stick with them until the very end, no matter what? Yes. Would you give them every last opportunity to come to you and turn everything around? Yes. Would it be your fault, if you tell your child the stove is hot, and they touch the stove you warned them about? Would it be your fault if as you ran the sweeper, your pet went out of sight, chewed the cord and was electrocuted? The Lord can’t always protect us from the evil of this world, but He will never give up on us, and He will never love us any less. He will never stop trying to use the Holy Spirit to guide us every step of the way. I can’t stress the importance of forgiveness enough. We can’t hold past judgements, grudges, or hang on to past hurt and trauma. We must forgive and let it go. Whether the other person deserves that forgiveness or not, forgive. It hurts you worse to hold on to it. Let it go. The person who has hurt you, only hurt you because they were hurting more themselves. They needed an outlet for whatever evil they were dealing with, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. This doesn’t mean the Lord doesn’t love you, it also doesn’t mean that the person who hurt you no longer deserves the love of the Lord. Truth be told, none of us deserve His love. We are all privileged enough to have it.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Isaiah 1:18 (NKJV)
18 “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.
The second part that shook me up was the way the Lord showed the guy in the movie what He sees when he looks down at all of us. There were a ton of people lined up in a field. They were all illuminated with different colors. This scene was almost exactly the same way that the Lord showed me in my vision. I couldn’t believe it. I had been putting off writing because I didn’t have my next message. The only reason I didn’t have my message is because I was holding back on watching a movie the Holy Spirit had been pushing me to watch. You’d think by now I’d learn the whole delayed obedience thing, but I still struggle at times.
So, what is the message with the colored, ant sized people? I’m going to have to elaborate on what I saw first. As I was over the land, the sky grew dark. I began to see the people illuminated in many different colors. I also noticed the hand of the Lord, it slid under the earth. It reminded me of the way your hand slides under a dish that’s been plated with food to keep it balanced. His hand pulled the land forward in a way similar to someone holding that same plate over the garbage can to scrape the food off. The Lord evaluated every one of His children and with such a longing pain in His heart as He began to separate them. I was reminded again of the wheat and the tares. The next part of the vision I could only describe as glow in the dark nerds balanced on a plate (but picture it with glowing people and the land). The Lord was calling out to His Children, begging them through the presence of the Holy Spirit to repent and forgive. The longing pain from the Lord was overwhelming. He will Never turn His back on us, yet He gives us free will that allows us to turn our backs on Him. It devastates Him, every time. With this last cry from the Lord to His children, I could see some of the colors changing. I could see the way the love of the Lord was changing people from the inside out. Slowly, time was running out. All of a sudden there was no time left to repent, and just like a server cleaning a plate over the trash, the tares were discarded from the wheat. We may be called to live in this world at this time. However, we were never called to be of this world. The supernatural ability of the Lord is something that I’m still very new to, but it’s something that I can’t imagine my life without. We are called not only to be in this evil world but to find a way to shine the light of the Lord through it in any way that we can. In a world where selfishness abounds, ease is expected, opinions are considered conflicts, toilet paper is hoarded, common courtesy is lack and showing the love of Lord makes you a crazy person; don’t let fear of being called a crazy person stop you from sharing the love of the Lord that flows through you. It's flowing through you for a reason.
Matthew 13:24-30
He put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field, 25 but while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away. 26 So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared also. 27 And the servants of the master of the house came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have weeds?’28 He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ So the servants said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ 29 But he said, ‘No, lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, “Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.”
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