73. Becoming Light 02.21.20

I honesty don’t even know where to start. I’ve been hit with wave after wave from the Holy Spirit lately. I feel like my head is going to explode. I feel like my spirit wants to jump out of my body and be reunited with the Lord. I feel like this world is tragic and blind in almost every aspect, from politics, to religion, to crime. I was recently added to a neighborhood watch group which is basically just a slew of pandemonium throughout the day. I find myself continuously saying Lord help them. So many people in my friends list are going through tragedies in physical, mental or situational aspects of their lives. Here I am feeling like I’m aiming a tiny squirt gun full of hope at an inferno full of chaos. Yet, that is what we are called to be. Light in the darkness of the world. The question becomes, how do we become the light when all we know is dark?

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

John 1:5
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

For years I was fascinated with the spiritual realm. Mostly because from a young age I could see demons and spirits. I remember as far back as elementary aged, seeing demonic entities in my room. They would scare the crap out of me, lurking around my room, making me feel like I was crazy because no one else seemed to notice they were there. I remember having a Bible but not knowing what it really meant. I knew Jesus and the story of the crucifixion, I knew Easter baskets and candy, Christmas and presents, Noah and the ark, but that was about it. Even at that young age though, when I would see those demons and become full of fear, I’d pull the covers up and say “Jesus” over and over again. They would always leave. I didn’t realize at that age the power that was in the name of Jesus. I didn’t know the Bible. What I did know, was that I’d feel safe again and they would go.

Luke 10:17
The seventy returned with joy, saying, "Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name."

I didn’t grow up in church. As I got older I began searching for my purpose with this “talent”. I believed that I was meant to communicate with spirits and help them cross over and find peace, I thought I was meant to be a ghost hunter, I thought I was meant to be spiritual, a medium and read tarot cards. I thought I was meant to cast white spells and hold power. What I didn’t realize was how demonic all of that was and that I had opened myself up to a demonic spirit of divination as well as a slew of others. I didn’t understand what the spiritual gift of discernment was, I had never heard of it. All I knew was that the spirit realm was real and that I was very in tune with the energies and spirits that surrounded me.

Leviticus 20:6
As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.

Isaiah 8:19
When they say to you, "Consult the mediums and the spiritists who whisper and mutter," should not a people consult their God? Should they consult the dead on behalf of the living?

Little did I know that I had it all wrong. So so wrong. The devil had his opening by my actions and demonic oppression took its hold on me. I thought that since I did these practices with a good heart, with the intentions of helping spirits cross over to heaven, with the good hearted intentions of reading cards or auras for people to help guide their paths to the best possible outcome, that I was just fine doing so. That I was on the Lords team and that I was helping in some way. I was so twisted. I thought that since I wasn’t actually worshiping the devil that I was ok. I was wrong.

Jeremiah 14:14
Then the LORD said to me, "The prophets are prophesying falsehood in My name I have neither sent them nor commanded them nor spoken to them; they are prophesying to you a false vision, divination, futility and the deception of their own minds.

I knew who Jesus was but I never knew the true meaning of the word. I never knew the true heart of the Lord. I never knew love, acceptance, safety, trust. All I knew was fear, control, manipulation and anger. I knew religion and feeling uncomfortable the few times I went to St Sebastian Catholic Church. I remember liking my friends church of the Nazarene but feeling not quite right there. I remember knowing the love of Jesus being preached and feeling like everything I did was ok because of grace and forgiveness. I began slipping into depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and seduction. I pulled farther and farther from the Lord. Slowly I walked this darkened path until I was long gone. I remember going to a party in a snow storm. I had a brand new car, my black 2003 grand am, and I thought I was invincible. I had facial piercings and I’m pretty sure I had dreads at the time. I remember getting off of 70 and going past Westinghouse and my car spun out. It felt like a movie the way it spun all the way around. I remember saying “Oh, God!” The car stopped and as I gathered myself, I decided to open the door and step out of the car to check the damages. I opened the driver side door and went to put my leg out, but there was no ground for my foot to step out onto. I almost fell straight out of the car and into a creek a few feet down below. I immediately froze. I thought to myself how in the world are you not upside down drowning in that crick right now. I remember saying “Lord I need you to help me get this car back on the road.” See, if I had called my family or the police, I’d have had some serious hell to pay from my dad. Like bad. I slowly put the car in reverse and to be honest I don’t remember how I managed to get back on the road from there, but the next thing I know, I’m on solid ground. I got out and checked my car for damage. I kid you not, it looked like a super hero had punched his fist through the back quarter panel of my car on the drivers side. You could put your hand through the outside quarter panel and your hand would go all the way into the trunk of the car. It looked like a fist that had to be two or three times the size of my fist. I didn’t understand what I had hit that stopped me. I looked everywhere and found nothing that could fit that bill. There was nothing I could have hit in the natural surroundings that would have made that dent or stoped me from flipping over into that creek.

I know now, that it was a guardian angel sent from the Lord, or the Lord manifested himself. I have no other explanation for it.

Hebrews 1:14
14 Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?

Did I praise the Lord and repent for my sins and come to Jesus to be born again?! Nope. I went to the party with my busted car, smoked some weed and got drunk. It was another 16 years before I would be baptized and born again. I can get into some other stories as time goes on. I have some doozies. My main point that I want to stress is that the Lord will come through for His children. You simply have to call on His name. He didn’t care that I had strayed from His word. He didn’t care that I was going to go to that party after He got me back on the road. (He knows everything, you can’t get stuff past Him) All He cared about was loving me and saving me from myself in the moment that I called on Him.

Psalm 86:5
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.

Psalm 120:1
In my trouble I cried to the LORD, And He answered me.

Did the Lord wait for me to be perfect for Him to reach out His hand and help me? No. That was one of the main take aways from my experience with Jesus in my car the other day. I didn’t have to be perfect for Him to be the Christ that lives inside of me. The Lord isn’t looking for perfect little soldiers. He’s looking for a conduit where His love and righteousness can pour through as the living waters of the Spirit. He’s looking to show your life as a walking testimony of Jesus on earth. He’s looking to turn everything around for you. You simply have to acknowledge Him, and welcome Him into your life. You don’t change for the Lord, the Lord changes you. When you have the Holy Spirit and Christ living inside you, the way you view the world will change. The way you view sin will change. Not to be perfect for Him, but to be righteous and holy because He resides in you. You repent and turn away from your sins because you love Him and want to honor Him.

John 4:14 - But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

John 7:38 - He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.

There would be a few other times the Lord would save me from death, at the hands of drugs/alcohol and at the hands of myself. Each time I turned myself away from Him and back to the ways of the world. Foolishly thinking that since everyone does these things that the Lord would understand. That the Lord would see that I was still a good person. My thinking was so demonically influenced. It took Him 16 more years to get me to straighten up and fly right.

16 years, repentance, a baptism in an ocean, a deliverance where a crap ton of demons were cast out of me, and the baptism of the Holy Spirit and Fire got me to where I am today. You don’t have to stay where you are. You don’t have to have the same mindset you’ve always had. I still have the gift of discernment from the Lord. I still see demons and other things in the Spirit realm, I still have power in the name of Jesus, I’m just on the right team now. I have truth. I have clarity, and most importantly I have the WORD of GOD. Change is possible. I’m living proof.

Acts 3:19 - Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Tonight I was watching TV with Nash before bed and he looked up and me and smiled and put his arm around my neck and pulled me in close. I immediately broke down into tears. Not because of His love for me, but because of my love for Him. I was overcome with the Holy Spirit in my living room as I held Nash. All I could think of as I wept was “I would die for you, Nash man! I would lay down my life so you or your sister could have another breath!” Then boom, like lightening the revelation from the Spirit came and I just cried my eyes out uncontrollably. Jesus loves each one of us so much more than we could ever love our kids. He DID die for us. Every one of us, equally. EQUALLY no matter what your past or your present circumstances may be. Jesus loves YOU. Yes, even YOU.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

1 John 4:19 - We love him, because he first loved us.

1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

Don’t be as dumb as I was for as long as I was. Let my testimonies wake you up so you don’t have to go through all of this. Open your heart to the LOVE the Lord has for YOU as His chosen child. Spiritual warfare is so real. Demons are real. I can’t stress enough how much Jesus DIED for you to be on the right side of the war. You have an inheritance from the Lord. Be smart enough to lay down your pride, follow your spirit and claim it.

Everyone on this earth has a final destination, heaven or hell, there is no in between. Choose wisely.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Psalms 37:29 - The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

Titus 3:7 - That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Acts 20:32 - And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.