69. Snap Out of It Ash 02.15.20

It’s been a few weeks maybe months since I’ve been able to tell you guys more about my visions of walking with Jesus. I know you all probably remember the way I described the vision of being at the foot of the cross last fall, or the time he led me to the altar at church to stop being chicken or the time he was reminding me to step up my excellence when I was in the drive thru at Chick Fil A. It seems like the Lord always shows up at the most random times to remind me when I’ve gotten off track or when I need to focus more on what matters most. Today wasn’t any different.

I’ve been feeling really emotional lately dealing with a ton of different things that have been on my mind. Trying to sort everything out or wondering why the pieces of the puzzle haven’t been fitting the way I want them to. Thinking that I’m doing everything I can to be who I think I’m supposed to be and feeling like I’m constantly falling short. Last night I was reading the word and I was led to psalms. I was drawn to psalm 35. As I was reading through it, it reminded me a lot of how we are today. We get emotional. We get heavy hearted and sometimes we plead for the Lord to stand up for us and make things right. We pray for justice to those who have done us wrong in our eyes. Now, to be honest it’s been a long time since I’ve prayed a prayer like that. When I was younger I used to pray for those who upset or abused me to feel hurt the way I felt hurt. As an adult on this journey with the Holy Spirit, I have never once prayed for someone to hurt the way I hurt, but I have prayed prayers from a place of holding on to anger or unforgiveness in my heart which is probably the same thing. The Lord put it on my heart to share with you the reality of the word and how relatable it can be if you open your heart to it.

Let’s look at an example from psalm 35
Psalm 35:4-8 (NKJV)
4 Let those be put to shame and brought to dishonor Who seek after my life;
Let those be turned back and brought to confusion
Who plot my hurt.
5 Let them be like chaff before the wind,
And let the angel of the Lord chase them.
6 Let their way be dark and slippery,
And let the angel of the Lord pursue them.
7 For without cause they have hidden their net for me in a pit, Which they have dug without cause for my life.
8 Let destruction come upon him unexpectedly,
And let his net that he has hidden catch himself;
Into that very destruction let him fall.

Seems to me that he’s a little upset and using that anger or hurt to call out to the Lord to harm those who’ve come against him. Gee, I can’t think of anyone in this day and age that wants their enemies to be harmed. I can’t think of anyone today that thinks that way...mmmhhhmmm.

We as people of the year 2020 like to think of the Bible as something that happened in the past, some don’t think it happened at all. We like to think that if these things were true and did happen that there’s no way those characters can relate to the people of today. Times have changed, we say. The truth is, we are very much like the people who wrote the Bible. We just refuse to open our eyes to see it. These people who’s stories are told in this word were flesh and blood like you and I. There was nothing outrageously special about them, but the Lord chose them. The same way he chooses you or I. The same way He reaches out to anyone who has the heart to believe.

Some of us start out on a good path but get tired of “waiting for God to show up” We want everything to be this quick fix and for the Lord to just sweep down and make everything right in an instant. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are only looking at a small piece of the entire puzzle and we get discouraged. We fall back into old habits thinking this Jesus stuff didn’t work, why bother. How long do you have to pray and believe and wait before something good happens to you? Sounds a little like more of psalm 35.

Psalm 35:17-28
17 Lord, how long will You look on? Rescue me from their destructions, My precious life from the lions.
18 I will give You thanks in the great assembly;
I will praise You among many people.
19 Let them not rejoice over me who are wrongfully my enemies; Nor let them wink with the eye who hate me without a cause.
20 For they do not speak peace, But they devise deceitful matters Against the quiet ones in the land.
21 They also opened their mouth wide against me,
And said, “Aha, aha! Our eyes have seen it.”
22 This You have seen, O Lord; Do not keep silence. O Lord, do not be far from me.
23 Stir up Yourself, and awake to my vindication,
To my cause, my God and my Lord.
24 Vindicate me, O Lord my God, according to Your righteousness; And let them not rejoice over me.

Don’t get swept away and discouraged in the waiting. It’s in those times that the Lord is trying to change your heart. Sometimes He holds you back to avoid a catastrophe you would have ran right into. Trust in the Lord and do not be discouraged. Hold strong to the word and keep moving forward. Even if it’s only inch by inch.

Psalm 35:27-28
27Let them shout for joy and be glad, Who favor my righteous cause; And let them say continually, “Let the Lord be magnified, Who has pleasure in the prosperity of His servant.”
28 And my tongue shall speak of Your righteousness And of Your praise all the day long.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

As I was driving today, the Lord showed up as a vision to me in the passenger seat. To be honest I didn’t want to talk to him. I was still sulking in my flesh with some emotional stuff that’s been going on and I knew what He was there for. It was to remind me that I was being a fleshy mess and that I was not focusing on what I should be focusing on. He looked at me as if to laugh because He knew my thought process and He knew that I wanted to just cry a little more or continue being fearful of the future. “You know it’s time to snap out of it, Ash. You aren’t designed for this emotional baggage anymore, time to empty your suitcase and clean out that meat nugget in your head.” I knew He was right but feeling emotional I questioned back, saying I’m not strong enough on my own. I never have been. Telling Him how alone I feel and how discouraged I was after going to this interview and knowing that I’ll get the job but deeply desiring the ability to have something more flexible or one that would work better with giving me more time for the kids. Knowing that I have to move forward but dreading it at the same time. Repenting for knowing that it’s a blessing but feeling as if it was a curse. He simply looked at me again, smiled and reached his arm over to mine.

The transparency of His arm, even with His robe, didn’t settle on top of my arm as if to pat my hand in encouragement, but it went through my skin as if His arm was inside my arm. “You see, this is what it means when they say it’s not I that live, but Christ that lives in me, Ash. I’m not this Lord of a far away place. I’m not this God of the Heavens to be prayed to as if I don’t understand everything you go through. It is no longer you on your own but I that am in you. My children are never alone, they simply fail to realize how close I am.” He followed this with trying to move my fingers. I had my hand gripping the steering wheel of the car. “You see, I can’t just manipulate your body, Ash. I can reside in you, as I can all my children who call on me. I can lead my children, but I will never force them to do anything.” Then just like that, He was gone.

What stayed with me was the realization that we keep trying to control our own circumstances and outcomes when in reality He is in control. You simply need to let Him be. It wasn’t that He couldn’t move my fingers, He’s God, He can. It was that I wouldn’t let Him. There’s a difference. Many are called to walk with Jesus but fall short by expecting Him to move your mouths for you, or move your feet to step you in the right direction. The truth is, He will guide you with the Holy Spirit, you’ll know what He wants you to do, but it’s up to YOU to do it. If he puts someone in your path to pray for, and you don’t put yourself out there to pray, you’ll miss the opportunity. If He guides you to share a prophetic word and you keep quiet because you don’t want to sound silly, you’ll miss that opportunity. It’s up to YOU to walk in your calling. The Lord will always be there for you but you have to be open to following His lead. He will never lead you down the wrong path and He will never force you to do anything.

Galatians 2:19-21 (NIV)
19 “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. 20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

We don’t have to control everything. We don’t have to worry. We simply have to trust and have faith in Him.

Jeremiah 33:3 Amplified Bible (AMP)
3 ‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and tell you [and even show you] great and mighty things, [things which have been confined and hidden], which you do not know and understand and cannot distinguish.’