3. I had mentioned in my last post that Pastor Harry had been speaking on the different ways your individual gifts could contribute to the church. I feel led by the Holy Spirit (and an extra nudge from a wonderful friend) to elaborate a bit more on how to receive these gifts and how to identify the gifts that you already have, in order to experience the Glory of the Holy Spirit for yourself. I’ll share with you the scriptures that speak on all this Holy Spirit jazz. I’ll also toss a link in the comments to a video that good ole Kevin shared on this, the wonderful book of faces, that has changed my life forever. It will give you information on how to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. You can hear all about it in the privacy of your own home just like I did. (He’s the pro here, I’m just that crazy chick) It will help you find your calling; you all have one. The gifts you have should be shared with this world in order to Glorify the Lord Jesus Christ, no matter what they are. Big or small, all gifts matter. (I’m going to start an all gits matter movement ya’ll) Watch out! There’s an army rising up to combat the evil in this world. The urgency I feel is something I could never put into words. I feel led to scream at the top of my lungs that there is NO MORE TIME for fuckery folks. (someone needs to hear that, I’m sorry for that language but it’s speaking to someone reading this)
So Ash, if you go to this amazing church with all these amazing people, why did you have to go through this at home alone? Why not have all of those people all around you for this amazing life changing experience? Well, nay sayer, stick with me, I’ll get to that in a minute. The short answer is because my flesh was overflowing with garbage and is chicken shit, that’s’ why. Boom. Mic Drop.
My flesh was prideful and too worried about what it would look like to everyone else if I broke down and cried. My spirit would be screaming in church, wanting to explode out of my skin begging for forgiveness and my flesh would hold back so many times. What would everyone think? I wasn’t good enough to experience that. I didn’t deserve to be forgiven. I’d be a hypocrite to kneel at that altar, to pray in that language there, I was being tormented to feel undeserving. I have no gift that will contribute here. I’m not needed at that level, they have it covered. Who am I to try and volunteer? I’m a nobody, trying to act like I am a somebody (heard that song today from a friend and loved it). Those thoughts weren’t my 3lb meat nugget guys, those are demonic thoughts. Those are oppressive thoughts. Oppression and darkness will hold you back. You deserve to break free, to heal, to find Jesus and to come home for eternity. You all do! I couldn’t break through at church because, I was embarrassed of who I was. I was full of so much fleshy pride and garbage and I was holding back. Again, I felt undeserving. (see this dark trend folks).
Ephesians 6:12 New King James Version (NKJV):12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [a]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Gee Ash, that sounds to me like we are in a supernatural battle of good and evil. Is this a movie? Is this a ghost hunter show? You can’t act like you can take on the forces of evil and prevail. What nonsense are you speaking here? To that I feel led to ask you to think of it from a different perspective (point of view). Think of the worldly saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Who would your enemy be if your ultimate goal is to get to Heaven for eternal salvation? What is the enemy of light? Darkness. Your enemy, the darkness, the evil in this world, the devil, Satan himself, is trying to keep you closer to him and pull you into the darkness. The closer you get to Jesus, the more of an enemy you become to Satan and the closer Satan tries to get to you in order to pull you back into his darkness.
When you are damaged (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually) your flesh is consumed by darkness, sin, and covered in demonic curses both spoken over you and that you’ve unknowingly spoken over yourself. You could be held back by soul ties, held down by negativity and so oppressed by inner rage that you have no idea the source or how to combat these negative feelings. You could be holding unforgiveness or be angry at God for not answering your prayers (in your timing, in your way). You could be holding on to things like rejection, you could be murmuring and complaining or doing other things that you don’t even know are affecting you. I am pleading to you to let that stuff go, research deliverance and watch Kevin’s videos. Go see him in person with me in November and in March. This is the answer, this is the path to freedom. HEALING your internal pain and DELIVERANCE from that pain was MY answer. It was my step 1. I heard God say “Heal yourself so you can help others heal.”
I came across the Kevin deliverance video on Facebook that was a close to 3 hour recording. It was a recording of a service he had done a few weeks ago. Instantly I was sucked in, his words called to me like a spicy chick fil a sandwich with a sweet tea. No Lie. (food idolization, what? How’s that a thing? Go find out!) I was hooked. I did the deliverance video while I sat on my kitchen floor. I couldn’t move from that spot. Everything he was saying made so much sense. Everything he called to light related to me in some way. Then it started to physically affect me, the nausea, the dizziness, the spinning eyesight, the coughing, the spitting, my eyes watering. Hmm maybe there really is something to this. I finished the video and felt better but not free. You’ll be able to tell. There is still something holding me back as I write this. I am not done healing and making progress. I’ll get there and I am planting seeds to take you there with me.
Over the next day or two, more and more things keep coming to the forefront of my mind and I keep thinking I need to go back and address this, and this, and this and this. So, I watched that deliverance a second time and I really took it seriously this time. I thought, if I’m being prompted to address these issues, it’s time. It’s TIME NOW. (back to His timing, crazy right?) This is it, I’m 36, exhausted, depressed, anxious, worried, short tempered, miserable. If I’m going to do this, I’m going to GIVE IT MY ALL. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE? 3 hours? I lose that on garbage TV every night. What if this actually works? What if I can actually HEAL internally? Against every fiber of my fleshly being, I PAINFULLY addressed things I thought I would never speak of again and I became so physically ill during the end of that video that I threw up in my sink. Now, I’m standing there going what in the ever-loving F is this Jesus nonsense?! How can a word spoken over a Facebook live video weeks ago affect me physically this way? Because it prompted healing, it prompted reliving and addressing individual traumas, dealing with forgiveness and casting things out. It was such a freeing feeling. Little did I know, it was just the beginning.
I began thinking (led by God no doubt) that if I got all this negativity out of me? Maybe, just maybe I can put something good in? The very instant that hopeful sentence finished in my mind it was wiped out like an eraser across a chalkboard and thoughts of not deserving God and being a piece of crap overwhelmed me. See, that is how the enemy works. He wants to erase all progress, diminish (reduce) all hope and squash all dreams. Satan loves setbacks. The devil is the ultimate dream squasher. The enemy loves to erase any hope that you will ever be anywhere other than were you are in the current moment. That is how you know when to keep pushing. When to not give up. When to persevere (push through). The harder you are being pulled down mentally, the closer you are to your breakthrough. I can’t stress this enough. Press past the discomfort of your flesh. Who cares what you look like if you heal once and for all?!
So, I check out that Kevin Riordan guy on Facebook and see all of the information on Set Free Ministries that he and his wife Amy have out there. So, I’m scrolling and scrolling thinking I need to watch this, and this, and this, like it was crazy how many things I needed to be freed of. As I’m scrolling, I come across a video about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and I pause and go huh. It was almost like how the super villain in a movie puts both hands together and fans their figertips. Hmmm, what do we have here? This looks like it might be step 2, hmmmm, like I am on to something here. Let’s try this too. WHAT IF IT WORKS?
So, I watch this powerful Kevin video from earlier in September titled “What’s the point of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit” and he is going through his testimony and sharing his story, which has me mesmerized because it’s a normal guy having a normal conversation about this stuff. He’s conversing in a way that I can understand and relate to. He’s sharing the related scripture to go along with everything he is speaking. He’s making me believe that I can connect to God this way, just like everyone else who has (watch this video, it is linked in the comments). All the while, I’m thinking to myself this story is relatable, this story is funny, this story is educational, this story is powerful, this story is real, WHAT IF IT WORKS?!
Now, I think to myself, I am going to give this my all! What do I have to lose? I’ve tried everything else. Let’s do this. At the end of that video Kevin leads everyone through the prayer to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and all of a sudden, this gust of wind with a calming and powerful presence descends over me and these tears well up in my eyes in a way that I have never experienced. The deep overwhelming emotion took my breath away, my chest contracted so tightly that I think I stopped breathing for a good 5 minutes, and this everlasting joy filled my soul from the inside out to the point that I wanted to burst out of my flesh like someone had stuck a stick of dynamite in my rear and pushed it all the way up to my chest cavity and the fuse was lit. This ear to ear grin came over my face that I couldn’t erase, and I finally felt at HOME for the first time I my life.
I stood there, tears flowing down my cheeks and as Kevin is speaking his words saying anoint them with oil, feel it pouring (quoting out of context, watch the video), I felt a hand on the top of my head. I couldn’t see it with my eyes but I see it with my feelings, It’s like I could tell by the touch that it was a strong male left hand with fingers that felt like they were rough and dry and cracked, I could feel/see that the fingernails were dry and short and the ends of the fingernails were splitting and how dirt can get in between the slits of the fingernails but at the same time, that hand was warm and loving and kind. Like complete acceptance, forgiveness love and joy and it felt like he was happy to see me (I never have that feeling). I couldn’t see a face, only hands. And I see a right hand coming up holding a pitcher of warm oil that’s about to be poured over my head, I could see the burnt orange two toned, dusty, clay pitcher with two stripes across it and a crack going from the middle of the pitcher out toward the top and there was a chip out of it at the base of the crack which was about the middle of the pitcher, where a rough diamond shaped chip was missing. I could tell the texture of that clay pitcher and how it felt to hold it in your hands just by seeing it. I’ve never been able to feel by seeing or see by feeling before, and I will never forget what I felt/saw. The right hand slowly came up as if to make me laugh by making me think He wasn’t going to do it. I hear him say “Oh, ye of little faith, I will always leave the 99 to anoint the 1, Always” (Google that scripture) Then I felt the pitcher tip and the warm oil that slowly poured out of it was this Winnie the pooh honey color and it was the consistency of a clear Elmer’s glue with this two toned honey color that was reflective in the light. It wasn’t thin or runny pouring over me and onto the floor to run off and be wiped away. It was sticking, oozing over me and not coming off or flowing away. (even there in that moment, I expected it to be too good to be true, to flow off of me onto the floor and away; I remember fearing deep in my soul that my evil sins would corrupt the oil and it would turn black when it touched my head and that He would turn away from me and say he knows me not) the oil flowed with this gentile, peaceful ease from my head down to my feet in this slow, warming, calming, comforting, freeing sensation. It engulfed my physical form from my head down to my toes and it was the most amazing feeling of complete euphoric love and acceptance that I have ever known. I was trembling, I was crying, I was smiling, laughing and crying all at the same time, I was FEELING for the first time in ages! I had feelings other than anger and frustration! It was like this giant iceberg of my sinful life was melted away with warm honesty, repentance, forgiveness, deliverance and complete healing and restoration that was bestowed (gifted to me without earning it myself) to me, through that oil, and what remained was an ice sculpture of a swan that had been inside that icy cold mess this whole entire time. I fell to my knees and thanked the Lord and have been in Praise Jesus mode ever since. Non Stop.
John 14:15-21
15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.
Much like the pain in my leg, hip and knee not coming back, neither has my depression, my anxiety, my worry, my feelings of inferiority and perceived rejection. It’s all gone and has stayed gone for weeks now. And I hear God saying to me “It’s time to act Ashley use your gift, It’s time.” I replied How will I know what my gift is? I’m mediocre at a bunch of things but I excel in nothing Lord. Then the Lord God says to me “1 Corinthians Ashley”.
Now, Little ole me is standing in my kitchen saying 1 Corinthians, what’s that all about? Ashley who has been in church off and on, and who has read the Bible, but never really read it cover to cover to understand what it says, is looking up 1 Corinthians out of thin air like a looney tune saying God told me to, what does this have to do with anything? Little do I know; it had a LOT to do with EVERYTHING that I had been walking out in real life these past few weeks. See, I was in church, but I don’t know the books of the Bible, I barely have an understanding of the word that could pass up Leah’s 8 years old Bible study stories, and now I’m hearing things, and seeing things, feeling things, and going to passages in the Bible out of thin air. This is bananas. Don’t get me wrong I had read the words of the Bible in many circumstances, but I have never had it come alive until NOW. I had never LIVED IT until NOW.
1 Corinthians 26 New King James Version (NKJV) Glory Only in the Lord
26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. 30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— 31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”
26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. 30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— 31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 2:6-16 Spiritual Wisdom
6 However, we speak wisdom among those who are mature, yet not the wisdom of this age, nor of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages for our glory, 8 which none of the rulers of this age knew; for had they known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.
9 But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
10 But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. 11 For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.
13 These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15 But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. 16 For “who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ.
6 However, we speak wisdom among those who are mature, yet not the wisdom of this age, nor of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages for our glory, 8 which none of the rulers of this age knew; for had they known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.
9 But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
10 But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. 11 For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.
13 These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15 But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. 16 For “who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ.
So by now I am totally freaked out and feeling like I am living a sci fi movie and I finally give in and say ok Lord, I will do whatever you say no matter what and He goes “then do 1 Corinthians 13”. (I’m going to make you all google this stuff because it will stick better if you research it yourself) So I look it up and I’m going ok, love like Jesus loved the world, I knew that one. I finally feel equipped to handle that, what’s next. He goes“1 Corinthians 14 Ashley”, So I read that one and is about speaking in prayer language and I’m like ok check, what’s next Lord and I hear go to Kev. So I see a deliverance on the Python Spirit and how it constricts everything and snuffs it all down and I went through that deliverance video and I kid you not when everything inside me was no longer constricted, I crapped my pants and threw up at the same time. SO I feel hit by a bus and I’m like what’s next Lord He goes “1 Corinthians 12 Ashley, Gifts”
1 Corinthians 12 New King James Version (NKJV) Spiritual Gifts: Unity in Diversity
12 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant: 2 You know that you were Gentiles, carried away to these dumb idols, however you were led. 3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed, and no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit.
4 There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: 8 for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.
12 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be ignorant: 2 You know that you were Gentiles, carried away to these dumb idols, however you were led. 3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed, and no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit.
4 There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: 8 for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.
Now I’m sitting there thinking ok, I have the scripture that I need, but how do I know what MY gift is? What am I good at? I like to clean, I like to sing kinda, I like to help others, I like to do all kinds of things. I just don’t know what my gift is. And it didn’t come to me. I had to wait, I had to wait until the Holy Spirit was ready to move within me and reveal to me what that gift was. If you are in a period of waiting, hang in there, whether you are waiting for a prayer to be answered, waiting for a word from God, waiting to have an answer to your problem, be stead fast and vigilant. Be Patient and wait for the Timing and heed the voice of the Lord in His timing, not your own.
I waited and I struggled with it for a while. Another testimony emerged regarding catching peoples attention and being bold (coming soon) A thousand other crazy things have been happening, the testimonies keep coming in over and over, the craziness continues, and God is working in the lives of not only myself but in all of the lives of these people all around me. It’s amazing to watch.
Pastor Harry spoke today regarding using your Gifts and what that looks like. He told a story of a warm-hearted beautiful Christian lady, who selflessly went to visit an older woman from the church who is currently unable to leave their home and she cut that woman’s hair for her. That’s a perfect example of using your gifts to minister. You have a ministry, like it or not. People see you, speak with you and interact with you on a daily basis and what you put forth into this world is your ministry. It’s the mark you will leave on the people you connect with daily. If you like to clean, clean, If you love children, help in the nursery or in Sunday school, If you can cut hair, cut hair! Do the things that you are able to do to minister kindness, love, patience, acceptance and joy in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
So it’s been a long day and I am in the kitchen tonight and I am still struggling to find out where I fit in all of this craziness and I hear the Lord God say to me “So what do you think your gift is Ashley?” And I reply in a frustrated and kinda snappy tone, like a kid back talking to a parent I say back to the Lord God “I dunno, God, is it saying off the wall stuff to get people to laugh and grab their attention“ and the Lord God says to me plain as day. “What do you think you’ve been doing for the past two days? Well done, my good and faithful servant, Now Go and Glorify your Lord Jesus Christ in the process” So here we are, and this is my gift, the gift of my understanding and semi play by play of whatever this is. I hope you enjoy my testimonies during this imperfect pilgrimage to Jesus Christ.
Ash, you sound like a lunatic who has eaten a hand full of mushrooms. Well, nay sayer, I say to you, that I have eaten a hand full of mushrooms before, I’ve ate some acid too a few times years ago. So, speaking as someone who is pretty experienced in ways that drugs can alter the reality and perception of the mind to induce hallucinations; I can ASSURE YOU, this Holy Spirit, Jesus, everlasting Joy and Eternal Life stuff, blows wordly drugs clean out of the water. Never have feelings been able to provide me images, and at times images I see can provide me feelings felt by everyone there. Never have I felt words I have never heard. Never have I been led to scriptures out of “thin air” that lead me through the last weeks of my life. Never in all my 36 years of nonsense, has anything compared to Jesus Christ.
Joel 2:28-32 God’s Spirit Poured Out
28 “And it shall come to pass afterward
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions.
29 And also on My menservants and on My maidservants
I will pour out My Spirit in those days.
28 “And it shall come to pass afterward
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions.
29 And also on My menservants and on My maidservants
I will pour out My Spirit in those days.
30 “And I will show wonders in the heavens and in the earth:
Blood and fire and pillars of smoke.
31 The sun shall be turned into darkness,
And the moon into blood,
Before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord.
32 And it shall come to pass
That whoever calls on the name of the Lord
Shall be saved.
For in Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there shall be deliverance,
As the Lord has said,
Among the remnant whom the Lord calls.
Blood and fire and pillars of smoke.
31 The sun shall be turned into darkness,
And the moon into blood,
Before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord.
32 And it shall come to pass
That whoever calls on the name of the Lord
Shall be saved.
For in Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there shall be deliverance,
As the Lord has said,
Among the remnant whom the Lord calls.
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