2. Crash 9.29.19

2. Today at church Pastor Harry spoke a wonderful message regarding the still small voice and hearing from the Lord God. I feel that I am being led to communicate with the wonderful people of Facebook land and elaborate on some of the ways that the Lord God is trying to reach you. Hint Hint, Wink Wink. 😉

These last few weeks have been utterly mind blowing to say the least. I am going to be sharing scriptures and pairing them with real world examples to elaborate on some of the bat crazy things that have been happening to little ole me during this time. More importantly I am looking to share with you what I am learning from pastor Harry at Grace Community Church and share what the Holy Spirit is teaching me on this journey. I am determined to plant a seed. This is my imperfect pilgrimage.

I feel that I am being pulled to get this information out there to people who may be afraid of church. To those who feel that the language of the Bible is too hard to read or understand. To those who may feel like they would never belong or never be able to hear from God. To those who say that they are “good with god” and “don’t need church” and to show you that it’s not what you fear it to be and to implore (beg someone desperately) you that you do need church. To let you know that you can be taught anything you want to learn if you are willing. Your gifts and talents are needed in the church (any church you are led to) and in this world for as long as you are walking this earth. Your contribution matters. Big or small.

I hope to reach those who have had bad experiences in church and who don’t want to “go through that again”. I ask you, who do you think would want you to stay away from the church? Who would cause trauma in the church? Who would attack the families of the churches with illness, hurt, emotional traumas, jealousy, greed, competition, loss? Do you think the Lord God would want those things? Do you think that the Holy Spirit bestows (presents them as gifts) these terrible things to us and to our churches?! No! Of course not!!! He would never give a gift of hurt or trauma of any kind. If there were issues in your last church and you left and decided that church “isn’t your thing anymore”, I can assure you that Jesus would never call you by name and say something like “oh that Ashley, she made me mad and she’s just not my thing anymore”.

I feel led to say that the Lord God knows what the enemy has planned against us all and he will desperately try to reach you over and over again to get you to heed his voice. (I have some good bat crazy stories to tell you, hang in there) The Lord God wants the Holy Spirit to guide you, every step of the way, to light, to love and to everlasting life. He wants you to hear his voice. He is not hiding from you. You just have to listen.

1 Kings 19:11-12
11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

So what is it to hear from God Ash? That’s impossible. I’ve never heard anything like that, I’ve never been led by God. You’re crazy, Ash, that’s not a thing. To all of those who speak like that, I call bs. Yes, yes you have. You just didn’t realize it. Have you ever been going to go through a drive thru and then felt that at the last minute to go in and order instead? What if that was God? What if that cashier had 5 rude customers in a row and made mistakes on her third day of work and all she really needs is one kind person with a smile to wait on and give her patience as she learns? GOD. God is using you to minister kindness to that person in that situation. You heard from God and were led by the Holy Spirit and you have a ministry and you didn’t even know it. Ain’t that some stuff.

What if you’re in a restaurant and you’re seated to order and the waiter is overwhelmed because another person called off which means their section has instantly doubled in size? What if everyone else eating there has been rude, and hateful and entitled, and he is feeling overwhelmed and ready to walk off the job? What if your being nice and saying, “It’s ok, I understand, take your time and do your best” when he comes over to apologize about the wait and ask if the food is ok, is all that he needs to hear to keep him motivated for the rest of the night. You were led by the Holy Spirit to minister patience and understanding in a difficult situation and you didn’t even know it.

What if you are in a busy city and everyone is walking with their faces glued to their phones? What if there was a young lady who was walking to a bridge to take her life? What if she pleaded to God that if she saw one person who looked her in the eye and smiled at her on the way to that bridge that she would take it as a sign from God and go back home and that her life had meaning? What if as you walked toward her, an app on your phone quit working and you looked up and smiled at her? What if that one glance in the street with a genuine smile showing Gods Love and Kindness through your eyes was all it took for her to go home and cry instead of going to jump? Would you call that a miracle of God's supernatural intervention? No, you'd shake your phone or tap the screen and go about your day.

What if you could minister life to people and love to people just through the look in your eyes?! That is what the Holy Spirit is. That is what hearing from God can bring you. It’s individual to each person. He just wants you to listen. Please listen. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such an overwhelming urgency toward anything else in my entire life. That’s God, please listen. We are running out of time.

Ok Ash, so how are ways that this magical God of yours has spoken to you? What is God telling you Ash? Well, “oh ye of little faith” (that’s in the Bible too, google it) He’s telling me that if you think that you’re just a 3 lb meat nugget in your skull that pilots a flesh and organ robot all over the place, you’re dead wrong. If you think that your meat nugget in that skull is only feeding you thoughts that you yourself create, you’re dead wrong. If your meat nugget in your skull can focus and do what you tell it to then why to ideas and thoughts come out of “thin air”? Thin air thoughts my rear end, that’s either the Holy Spirit or the Satanic Demons attacking your mind. We are in a war. Good vs Evil. You see it in movies, on TV shows and soon The Holy Spirit will lead me to elaborate on how we are living it every day. See how he talks to me, in a way that I would understand. He’s probably doing the same to you. So let me tell you how I hear from God and give you my examples.

Well, the first time I felt I heard from God, I didn’t really even realize that was what it was. It was night time and I had gotten Leah to bed and at the time I was pregnant with Nash. So, she’s sleeping, and I am cleaning up standing over the sink looking to the back porch and I think to myself, I wonder if I locked the back door. Then in my soul, I felt these words “Why do you worry about keeping burglars out of your house when you’re not worried about keeping the devil out of your life?” It was like lightning, like how you’re a kid and doing something wrong and someone catches you in the act and you get that sinking feeling like your heart drops. I was like woah what the heck is that about? I knew what it was about, God knew what it was about. I thought about it and dismissed it and went about my life.

The second time I heard from God was the story that I told yesterday regarding my baptism at the beach. I was pleading in pain on the couch begging for relief crying out saying my kids deserve better, the mother they have is not the mother they deserve to have and my soul just instantly like a gust of wind calmed down and I felt “I got you”. The pain wasn’t gone but the frustration and anger was. I felt these words in my soul “I got you just where I want you. I have to break you or you will never listen. When do you come to me Ash, when do you seek me? You try to handle everything on your own when you need to give it all to ME. You seek me when you are broken mentally, broken emotionally and when you are in too much physical pain to bear. When I deliver you, I slip your mind. Why can’t you seek me in every moment. Why wait until you can’t bear the pain in your heart, mind, or physical body to come to me for rest. I care about everything, big and small. You are not too small for me. Your pain is not to small for me. You are mine” so in all honestly again my flesh is wrestling with this like I've just taken a hit of acid and am tripping out, how can I feel sentences being spoken without sound, how can I feel this knowing. Yeah right God. This is bs, I am losing my mind.

The third time, was after I was baptized and it happened when I was shopping in Walmart. This was also the first time God began dealing with me specifically regarding HIS timing, heeding his word and yielding to his voice the instant he moves me to act. (That’s another story for another day). So I am in Walmart and there is this older lady there with her cane in a buggy and not much in it but a long list she was carrying. I hear “help her get groceries” and I feel it in my gut. So I fleshly argued my way out of it thinking I was crazy and thought if it’s really you God I’ll run into her again. Well, I see her in the auto section and I go nope that’s not God, this is nuts. I think to myself, I have both kids, I don’t have time. I see the old woman in the little girls section, then the baby section, still nothing much in her cart and carrying her list, and at this point I’m saying ok God, I get it, this is YOU. But in my flesh, I am saying I’ll get all MY groceries first then I’ll help her. I go to another isle with cleaning stuff and she’s there again and I say ok God, I’m getting two more things then I’ll circle back and help her and we can check out together and I’ll get her to her car. As I turn to go get the last two things I needed, boom just like thunder from my head to my feet I feel chastised (rebuke or reprimand severely). I hear the lord say “She’s not going to say yes, I just want you to do WHAT you’re told, WHEN I tell you to do it” So now I feel like I have my tail between my legs and I walk up to her and in this little baby voice I go “excuse me ma’am I wanted to see if you needed any help?” She looks at me and I can see now that her list is the same list she takes every time she goes to the store and it’s almost all scratched out so I feel even worse and she goes to me “No hun, it’s ok it’s just frustrating when they move stuff around and I just get frustrated. But it’s nice to have someone say hi”. So I said ok have a nice day with a little pleasantry and went to check out.

So you’d think I’d learn my lesson right well no. I am very very stubborn....so the fourth time I go to take Leah to school and Nash to daycare and I’m like at that place past the tracks on 857 where the Y is and I go to turn left onto 857 south and there’s a huge branch across the road like from white line to the yellow line all the way across and it’s on my heart that God goes “pick that up”. There weren’t any cars around or anything but I’m like if I stop on 857 and I have two kids in the car and I get hit. It’s not worth it, it’s not my job to clear the road. Yada yada yada. So I go into to the other lane and go around it. Then I do that fleshy reasoning with God (like that will ever work) if it’s there when I get back I’ll know it was you and I’ll pick it up. I take the kids to school and dayare and I come back on 857 where the branch would be on the other side of the road to my left on the opposite direction. Now at this point there is traffic and people going around the branch etc. So I look for a place to park and there isn’t a great place to pull over and God again says “stop and get that, NOW” and I’m like OK God but I’m going to go up here and turn around and come back down so I am on the same side of the road because it's safer. As I back into this driveway to turn around, in that instant this other car comes past and I’m thinking ok I’ll get behind her, so I pull behind her and we get back to 857. She stops because she can’t run over that branch it’s too big and I see two cars coming at us north bound and she is waiting for them to pass. I’m behind her southbound and I’m thinking she will wait till they pass and then go around this branch and I’ll pick it up and I’ll have done my listening to the Holy Spirit thing and I can go about my day. Now the two cars go past and she starts to get in the other lane to go around this branch and I see in the distance two more cars starting to come so I’m thinking, ok she will wait. She has to wait, its just a few more cars. and I’ll be darned if she didn’t decide to just run over that big huge branch and I’m screaming in my car "Whattt the F are you doing LADY!!!???!!! NOOO!!" So Now, this huge branch is stuck under her car and she’s driving down 857 and I follow her because I’m thinking omg it’s going to fly out and hit a car or it’s going to spark and catch her gas tank on fire and she will be blown up, I mean I’m in a panic thinking this is insane! I begin to follow her and like lightning again in my soul I hear “you missed the timing” and I feel that sinking feeling of chastisement again. I follow her down 857 till she gets almost to the state line and then I give up and turn around. Now God has me thinking. I’m like ok, timing what is it with this timing thing.

Then the fifth time was like a week later I’m pulling out of the driveway and I see a girl with a baby stroller full of groceries no baby but she’s pushing the groceries in this stroller and God says “Get her home” and I’m like reasoning again with God (just don’t do it, it doesn’t work) saying God, I don’t know her, I have both kids in the car, what if she has to go far in the other direction? What if she is a crazy person, what if, what if, what if? So I go to the stop sign and it’s like churning in me, “go get her home” so I turn the car around and go back and I kid you not, she disappeared into thin air, I looked everywhere. I went down any road she could have turned down she was just gone and I felt it again “you missed it”. So I go, missed what!? And I am getting upset because I keep missing it. I yell MISSED WHAT!? I’m crazy, this is nuts, people don’t just vanish into thin air. I hear God say “my voice, they do when I’m in charge” So now I realize that I need to figure out what this is all teaching me and I’m freaking out because stuff like this doesn’t happen right. This is all crazy right? No he was conditioning me to heed his word. Heed his timing.

Now here comes the big one. The big lesson learned that shook me to my core and made me vow to never ignore that inner voice or knowing or word from the Lord God again.

The Tuesday after that branch thing happened, I was taking Leah to her grams, Nash to daycare and I was running late. I was running out the door to drop them off to come home and clean. I was a mess with hair up, glasses, no phone, nasty clothes etc. I was just running 15 mins and going to be right back, no big deal. As I was gathering the kids up, I hear “Get your phone”. As per my usual go to, I’m trying to reason with God saying I grew up in the 80’s we didn’t need phones back then, I don’t need one now. I’m going to be right back. I go and get the kids loaded up in the car and it rang through me again “GET your phone” and I’m like getting mouthy back to God going I don’t need it I’ll be gone 15 mins no one needs me that bad I’ll be right back. On the way to drop Leah off I am feeling so uneasy and I am thinking ok I can praise this funk away. So I begin praising God for being home with the kids and how everything had been working out for us but it was on my mind like I couldn’t shake it off “you should have your phone” and I’m like this is nonsense and then I drop Leah off and go to take Nash’s to daycare and I go to pull in to love bugs which is the old 857 diner. I’ve been pulling in there for 8 years and there’s a truck coming but it’s way way back like I have plenty of room so I go to turn and next thing I know (he was going fast in an 18 wheeler truck with a van trailer) the back end of my car just crunches and I hear boom and it just pushed us over into the parking lot and I look at Nash and I’m like what is happening?! How did that happen? I had so much room? In that instant I hear “I warned you, when will you listen?”. That was it, that was the pivotal turning point. I have to Thank God that he was with us and that Nash and I didn’t have a scratch at all or get hurt. The EMT’s and everyone was like how are you not hurt? How is your car not totaled? How this how that and I’m just like as calm as could be and I just kept saying God, Jesus, it was God. I don’t know how to explain how safe and secure I felt in that moment but it was like in that instant I knew that if I would listen to the words that God says and do WHAT he says WHEN he says it that I will be fine for the rest of my life. He knew the enemy had that planned out and he was warning me over and over and over again to listen. If I’d have gotten my phone I’d have not been involved in that accident and I believe that whole heartedly.

How many of you have been warned and warned. He wants you to listen. He is trying to reach you. He wants you to come back home.

Now what does this have to do with me Ash? How can what happens to you be anything remotely close to what could happen to me? It won’t be, that is the beauty of it. Everyone will individually be led and conditioned to listen to the Lord God in their own timing and in their own way. So maybe it won’t be something huge like the examples I’ve given here today, so what? Be who God made you to be. Maybe it will be something smaller, or maybe just maybe it will be the biggest and most amazing journey of your life…If you would just be quiet and listen and maybe learn from my mistakes and not get hit by a truck in the process.

Heed the still small voice.