From the Muck to the Mighty; My Journey with Jesus

  Today in my quiet time with the Lord, He took me to a garage. There was a rusted out old classic type car sitting up on blocks. You could tell that the years were good to that car, but that time had taken its toll, and the grace had ran out. The engine that once revved with excitement could barely turn over. Where the paint was once shiny and new, it was now dull, sun damaged and rusted. Where the full tires once had tread ready to gain traction, there were now bald spots, dry rotting and even a flat. Where the leather interior once hosted conversations during long road trips, or short trips to the market, bringing people closer together; the threads of the material are now having a hard time keeping the seams of the seats from tearing and falling apart.  I felt the Lord telling me that many in leadership and in ministry are feeling like this worn out car. What was once a burning passion to help others find their strength in Jesus has now become a battle just to face the dai...

  Months ago I told the Lord I quit. That I was done with ministry, that I was done trying to figure it all out and I sat myself down. One evening in March I was crying on the couch. The kind of snot cry that has you dry heaving and pouring tears over every moment of your past. Every regret, every word, every action, every loss playing over in your mind like a record. I think we have all been there, that moment of wrestling with both the enemy and the Lord. To be honest if He would have shown up I probably would have wanted to fight him. Everything had fallen apart over the last 6 months and there I was, on the tail end of a cancer scare with a transfusion looming over my head like a cloud of death. As I was laying in a pile of snot, the Lord stopped me in my tracks with the simple phrase "2 cokes no ice". My tears abruptly turned to anger and I yelled "I am not working for you anymore!" at the Lord like I was yelling with every single part of me. He replied sternly...

 I’m not one for chasing signs and wonders, but I’m also not one to ignore them. Months ago I was done. I wanted nothing to do with ministry. I wanted nothing to do with serving the Lord. I wanted nothing more than to run right back into the world, guns blazing never looking back. In every room I felt the glares and heard the whispers. Sometimes I still do. You’d think it gets easier over time, it’s only gets easier with Jesus.  I didn’t feel worthy to go to this retreat in Wyoming. I didn’t know why the Lord called me there. I was struggling with my identity now more than ever before, and I spent months at home crying out to the Lord trying to find a reason to cancel.  God has a funny way of reminding me “I’m not done with you yet”. He said it firmly in 2018 and He reminds me frequently to this day to keep going. That’s how we learn, that’s how we grow. As individuals, as leaders, and as ministers of the gospel, it’s all about never giving up, learning from our mistakes,...